I just haven't...but I'm gonna.

So it is half way through the summer and not one post from yours truly. And it's not like there haven't been some very eventful, cool things to write about...I just havent'.

I just haven't. Now there is a statement that unfortunately I have used far too much of late. I just haven't...blogged. I just haven't...cleaned my house. I just haven't...cleaned out my closet, under the bed, etc...all those summer projects that need to be done. But none of those, "I just haven't" statements/non-actions are as profound as this confession.

I just haven't been spending time with Him. There. I confessed it. I'm not proud of it, nor am I happy about it. It's just truth. It is just plain ol' ugly truth. And you know what else? Because it is true, I also have become more plain ol' ugly as a result. BUT, today is a new day...actually last night was a new night. I spent time...I mean real time, not the few minutes of prayer before I get up and before I go to sleep. I mean real awake time...in His Word, WITH Him. And you know what else? I think I was a little prettier today as a result. I know I felt better.

So, now...I'm off here...for more of Him.

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Tonight was session 9 of our Esther study. Our last one. I'm bummed. But blessed.

This has been one of the BEST Bible studies I've ever been a part of, let alone led. I have grown so attached to my sweet sisters in this study. Beth Moore of course, taught us tons, but I think the emphasis on all things woman-dom just made the learning that much richer. And the fact that I actually exercised my gift-giving love language. I had such a blast finding small girly treats for my ladies.

And we had such a wide range of women in this group - several who had never done an in-depth study with us. Soooo fun to have people who haven't heard all my stories. We had an 80 year old still married. Several 60ish and 70ish - some married, some widowed. We had some 40ish and 50ish, married and divorced. We had some 20ish and 30ish still raising sweet little ones - or waiting for them to come. We even had a barely 20 year old - my first precious girl who came through my high school Sunday school class to do one of our 'big girl' studies - I can't even tell you what that meant to me. SO PRECIOUS to have time with her in the Word again. Thank you, Shelby, for being a part. We had some ladies who know more about the Word than I will likely ever learn in my lifetime, so for them to put up with me is an amazing little miracle in itself. That is truly humbling. As is having my older sister who is my hero be a part of the group.

It has been an incredible ride. As part of the study, Beth referenced Ecclesiastes 3:11 - The first part about "He has made everything beautiful in its time." But the verse goes on to say, "He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." I thought the second part of the verse was very appropriate for tonight. Because eternity is set in my heart, it doesn't like goodbyes. Actually avoids them. Not good at them at all...turns into the ugly cry pretty fast. So tonight that is what happened. I struggled with the goodbye of it. How I love feasting on the Bread of Life...and how I hate when the party ends.

The good news? The last part of the verse - we still can't fathom what God is going to do with this investment. And We WILL be doing something else together...Can't wait to see what He has in store for us.

They've migrated...

Through an unexpected turn of events, I am currently listening to four very silly girls laugh, discuss, and argue (just a bit) while they play Apples to Apples. We are celebrating McKenna's birthday which was actually last Wednesday, but spring break offered the perfect opportunity for a sleepover. The only problem - it wasn't supposed to be HERE!!! My sister had planned the party and all the girls were supposed to be at her house. However, on Sunday, she stepped off the porch and broke her ankle. Coward...I think she did it on purpose. (Just kidding. But I must admit my suspicion. She has never been much on large crowds of kids.)

So anyhoo...she had a little day of fun scheduled for them. A trip to the local salon for finger and toe nail painting, getting their hair done and a little make-up applied. So we did that yesterday afternoon. Great fun! Then we came back to my house and they have sufficiently enternained themselves without anyone getting their feelings hurt, nothing being broken, no major arguments, and not even any tv/dvd watching (which I even rented some dvds for...just in case).

We have two 6th graders, a 5th grader, and a 4th grader. They are all sweet girls and so far...so good.

As for McKenna ~ she is a puzzle for me. She is so different from her sister, and honestly, from so many 'little' girls I have watched grow up. I think what makes it so unusual is her maintenance of her innocence. She is now 12 years old and in junior high in a small town. Tough age - usually the age where you really aren't happy with just being that age - you know, where they really want to be older, and certainly don't want anything to do with anything associated with 'little girl'. McKenna, however, seems to be pretty happy being 12. She doesn't ask or seek to do, act, or dress, like older girls. There are things she wants to do that are age appropriate, and then there are things that she really doesn't mind being seen as a 'little' girl. I thought yesterday as I watched two girls - 8th graders- come into the salon to tan, "I wonder how many of her 6th grade friends would die before being seen as 'playing' with the hair and make-up party." Certainly not all of them, put several names came to mind of girls who would either make fun of it or wouldn't be caught dead doing it. It really makes me sad. Girls are pushed to grow up so quickly...and not in very healthy ways.

So today, as I hear my "baby" - who isn't really a baby!- laugh and giggle with her friends - with a laugh that is incredibly contagious. Hurray for her. And hurray for all the young ladies who are like her - okay with just being the age they are.

God's Providence :)

This is too cool. Seriously.

Okay, bear with me while I set the stage. We are in the middle of the Esther Bible study written and led by Beth Moore - Thank You, Father, for a teacher who GETS You and GETS women. What a blessing she is as Your vessel. This study really is a study in the amazing providence of God and, in Beth's words, 'some mighty good theology' of knowing God's presence is always with us even when we can't see Him or feel Him. We got a little taste of that tonight.

As the facilitator, I have been trying to come up with little gifts that tie in to the study for our ladies -things that have to do with parties or entertaining, beauty treatments, just girly-girl things. Like candles (who ever has a party without lighting candles!!), bracelets, picture clips with a star (one of the Hebrew meanings for Esther), etc... I bought padded hangers to give them, but have literally hauled them in 3 - count 'em THREE times - only to forget to give them to them. I get way too caught up in the whole Bible study thing! :)

One of the things the study has used as a central theme is focusing on scenarios that complete the statement, "It's tough being a woman..." and then the blank gets filled in with different situations where it can be really tough being a woman.

Okay - now stay with me- the good part is coming.

Today is March 10. It is Purim on the Jewish calendar - which is the celebration of the 'reversal of destiny' experienced by the Jews when Esther's actions saved them from complete annihilation. So I thought that was cool- to be studying the event while it really is occuring - but...GET THIS - Tonight was session 7 of the series - the night when Beth starts teaching us the way our Sovereign God reverses all of those "It's tough being a woman" scenarios for us!!!! SOOO...we are studying our own reversals during this celebration of Purim - Don't tell me we aren't God's adopted children!

AND as if that weren't enough, someone pointed out that they were given lovely, perfumed, padded hangers on the night we talked about Haman's hanging!! I know, it is one of those things that your thinking, "I guess you just had to be there." And you may be right, 'cause those precious ladies and I got a big ol' kick out of those little kisses from God tonight!!! We just giggled and oohhed and aahhed Him!!!

His timing - ALWAYS right!!

Eavesdropping...again

I'm sitting in my bedroom listening to my husband in the next room with some of the guys from the youth group. They have been practicing for our first Sunday MORNING youth service. We've always done Sunday night. Our creative movement praise team, For His Glory, will be doing two routines, our kids are leading worship, serving as ushers, praying, and reading scripture. And one of our precious young men, Zack, will be bringing the message. AND one of my favorite funny guys, Corbin, is doing the announcement. This is usually what Jimmy does at the end of the service, so I am thinking we may be about to see a great Saturday Night Live skit based on my husband!! If you read this, please PRAY for Sunday morning's service!

The three guys that are here are playing guitar and singing. I must admit I love to hear my guy sing even if it is with other people and through the closed door. I've always loved to here him sing. And I've always loved to hear him with the kids. I hear him talking now...teaching. Not really meaning to, but he is. 'Cause he is talking...anyone who knows him is probably laughing and thinking, "no kidding?" The boy CAN talk. I will never be one of those women who complain about a husband who doesn't ever communicate. And I'm so glad. I LOVE my guy.

Guitars - a few hundred dollars-
Chips & drinks - a few bucks
Listening to him invest Jesus in some kids - priceless.

What's in a name?

Okay, so I posted a couple of weeks ago about the great loss in our family...our sweet dog Gracie having to be put "to sleep"...I always think of Paul telling us not to be ignorant about those who are asleep...yea, he was referring to death, too.

Anyway, my guy has been looking for a new dog since not long after Gracie went to the big dog house in the sky...or whatever happens to precious rottweilers that think they are lap dogs. Now this has made me wonder what might happen if I ever went to sleep...ya know...like that. I mean he couldn't hardly walk through the backyard without Gracie there. So if it were me, would the kitchen be the tough place? But alas, I digress.

Okay, so he finds several rescue rotts that he is interested in. One is named Ogre...no I am not kidding. The next one he is interested in...Fiona. I mean seriously. Even McKenna made that face where you know she is thinking..."What kind of wierdo..." She even said, "So what's the deal with the whole Shrek themed dog names?" Must admit, I was wondering too.

So Fiona came for a weekend visit. I'm sure we will be keeping her. She is very sweet and submissive, but last night get this. I am sitting on our bed and she can see me from where she is sitting in the living room. She looks in there at me and starts growling. Seriously. And then tonight she wasn't really looking at anything and she starts growling. What in the world? I've decided it is her name. So we're changing it. Actually we decided to change it before the whole growling nuerosis showed up. But Fiona? Seriously, who names a dog Fiona. Not us. Nope, we now have Minnie Pearl. Seriously.

Popcorn

No deep, passionate thoughts tonight. Just this. Jimmy burnt the popcorn. My whole house stinks. Ewwww. Stinky, smelly eeewwwwwww. Men should learn that the popcorn button on the microwave doesn't mean you can camp in the bathroom while it pops and expect it to come out perfect. Can I get an amen? God love him.

Christmas Survey -
I answered this on the Living Proof Ministry's blog the other day and thought I would repost here. Leave me a comment and answer the survey and then you can copy and paste it into your blog and see what your friends say. Kind of fun!


What is your...?
1. Preference in Christmas tree? Fresh or Fake?
Fresh is my preference, but fake is my reality
2. Favorite Ornament - this one is exceptionally hard for me - HUGE collection, and I have a new one from my sweet Siesta Malinda that I will forever love and cherish, but I think if I had to pick one it would be one of my newer ones - of Linus standing on the stage...push the button...he says, "lights, please." The light comes on the stage and he tells Charlie Brown what Christmas is all about.
3. Favorite Christmas Song - Easy one...My man singing the Dennis Jernigan song, "Hallelujah! Christ Is Born"...I think seeing him sing it in church was the first time I felt my heart in my throat over that guy! Crying over the reality of my Jesus and weak-kneed over my guy...honestly, does it get any better?
4. Favorite Tradition - Making the ugliest Christmas cookies you have ever seen with my girls. Delicious...but hideously ugly. What's up with all that dough spreading when you bake anyway? Or maybe opening one present on Christmas Eve...it is a tradition my mother always had with us. I can't wait to open a Heavenly present with her someday -what joy it will be!
5. Gift Received - too many to name...probably ALL of them the first year Jimmy and I were married. I had never had so many before...I felt VERY special!
6. Favorite Meal - Ham, Turkey, Dressing, Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes, Cranberry sauce, Green-Bean casserole/Broccoli-Rice casserole Broccoli & Cauliflower salad..Oh, and the cranberry sauce...canned, please. Pleeaassee do NOT make me eat a real cranberry. ewwww...
7. Favorite Christmas Cookie - Those really ugly ones I mentioned.
8. Favorite Place to Be - Home on Christmas morning with the girls and Jimmy.
9. Favorite Christmas Memory - The magic in McKenna's face when she was younger and "heard" Santa and the reindeer on the roof, thanks to my nieces and Jimmy.
10. Favorite Christmas Movie - Tie-Elf for fun, Miracle on 34th Street (new one) for sentiment.

Sitting in an airport...

I'm sitting in airport in San Antonio, TX. It is kind of cool because there is a long walkway/hallway that goes from security check in to the gates and there are rocking chairs along the walls. Nice respite from the yucky chairs at the gate.

I'm always fascinated when I fly. I love to people watch and in this high tech age in which we live it is always interesting to overhear other cell phone conversations. No I'm not eavesdropping...they just talk loud. So far today, I've overheard someone giving a directive to an office manager to drop the hammer on a receptionist who is really botching things up; someone making a business appointment with "Joe Don" Somethingorother (must be a Southern boy, don't ya think!?); a lady heading to Iraq - not military, but private contractor of some kind; a mom connecting with her child - oh, that was me - never mind that one; ANOTHER mom checking in with her babysitter; and the list goes on. Nothing earth shattering or even very funny or interesting for that matter, but I have watched literally hundreds of people either coming or going and I think, "Wow. Where are ALL these people going?" It's kind of like when I take off and am stuck in traffic or at a mall with a bajillion people and I think, "Don't you people ever WORK?" Then I realize I'm not either. Oops. Still strange though. Well, have to go board now. I have more conversations to overhear!

Keeping it Real

I was recently hit square between the eyes with an accusation that hasn't come my way in a very long time...But it still makes me sick at my stomach, and hot - you know the "even my ears are hot" hot. The words weren't really not slung, but the concept was heavy in the air. "YOU ARE A FAKE." Oh, I had plenty to say, plenty to use to defend myself against the accusations of being unsupportive, unkind, unprofessional. But the defense would have been given somewhat in a sound proof booth because the accuser had long since stopped listening. And the outcome of the situation would have stayed the same. So why give it a second thought?

Why not just let it roll off my back? That is what my colleagues in similar positions would advise me to do I feel sure. Why not just consider the words in context of the situation and in relation to the history of this person? Well, because SHE really wasn't the issue. The issue with her was resolved.

The reason I couldn't just "blow it off"? It's because it is one of my greatest fears. Again, not really in the context of the situation in which it was accused, but rather as a general statement of life. Duplicity. Hypocrisy. Fake. Imposter. Being one thing one place and a different thing somewhere else. Dear God, please don't let it be so.

If there is one thing I crave desperately is consistency. I want to model for my precious daughters what it is to be a woman of God in every aspect of their lives. If I am not who I claim to be with them then I might as well not be at all...yes, at all. Motherhood is such an incredibly challenging role, isn't it? I think my sweet girls can live with me failing. They know I'm human. But what if I am a Godly woman in the outside world, but then I close my front door and become someone else. What we have is a potential foothold, a sin. Can you say 'trainwreck'?

So I am allowing some time for some reflection and correction if needed. I'm so grateful to serve a God who doesn't require us to have it all together to come to the foot of the Cross. I want to have a teachable heart and even in opposition be open to hear from the Holy Spirit.


One of the things the Lord has directed me to is one of my all-time favorite poems, IF by Rudyard Kipling. I hope it encourages you. Keeping it real-

Therapy...sort of

I just got home a little bit ago from therapy...not anything too serious like physical or psycho, but the REEAAALLLLYY good kind...you know, girl therapy. I just had my hair done.

Now I know that any sweet ones who have virgin hair won't get this, but it really is the best. So much cheaper than those dr. types- not that you shouldn't seek them out if you need them - it's just that I love to have some "laugh therapy".

Now Diana, aka. miracle worker, takes such good care of my locks, but she also is very good for my soul. We have a blast in Jesus together. And she is very kind, too. I know she has to wonder why she has to keep creating that magical concoction when she knows I am actually blond to the brain stem so all those roots should just grow out blond anyway. But, ya know, she has never once said it out loud to me. And somehow, she always manages to tell me a story that makes me laugh so hard I always want to double check and make sure she's not actually trying to CUT my hair at that point. It really is a disaster in the making, but I can't help it...she makes me laugh. I love that about her. Oh, we have both seen our fair share of life junk, but we are also both keenly aware of His incredible gifts...Like girl therapy. I hope, sweet sisters, you have someone to laugh with...and cry with when you need to...girl therapy is a necessity of life, don't you think?