"Old" Blessings

I've been out of town for several days, and lately my thoughts have turned again and again to a young mom who had a major stroke a week ago - still in a drug-induced coma...starting to come out of it, but don't know the extent of the damage yet. So, we pray.

I thought a lot about how wild and inspiring it has been to watch literally a world-wide community come together to bathe Joanne and her family in prayer. You can read about her journey and the precious love of her husband at The Simple Wife. It's truly a beautiful...and frightening thing.

I've also thought a lot about the mulitude of blessings I've been given and how often I take them for granted. A week ago, Joanne's husband and her two little girls were likely going through the regular routine of life. And then there was no more routine.

I've wondered what would happen if my routine was suspended indefinitely. Oh, it has happened before, and I survived - even thrived in some situations. But I'm thinking about NOW. This routine that I've settled into is quite lovely. Stressful at times for certain, but lovely nonetheless. Some might think of it as drudgery. I mean this certainly isn't the stuff of sitcoms or reality shows - Thank You, Lord!!

Mine is a life focused on my beloved family, on making a difference because of the work I do, of serving in ministry alongside my husband as well as on my own. A very GOOD life. A very COMFORTABLE life. And if something were to happen to my husband or my daughters, or one of my sisters or other extended family, I'm not sure how well I would handle that. I don't think about it a lot. It's one of those things that you ask God never to put you through, but trust Him to get you through if He chooses it to weave the tapestry of your story.

What all this has really rattled in me is this incredible lack of gratitude. This lack of appreciation for blessings - "old' blessings. It's amazing how we become lulled by the routine of life almost numb to His extended goodness.

When I recall the love story that is mine that could have ONLY happened by His divine intervention, I am awed by my God again and again. But when my husband has ticked me off with some little thing he has done, said or not said or not done, the love story is forgotten.

When I recall the tears of joy I wept when each of my children were born or the incredibly deep and abiding happiness that comes with little "I love you" notes with backward letters and misspelled words, I am overwhelmed with gratitude to have been chosen to be their mom. But when one of those girls literally break my heart by her words or actions, the deep happiness is a vapor.

When I recall sitting on the floor, face down, thanking Him for His provision the first time I walked into my house and realized it would be our home, I look around and see again all the things I love about this house. But when I'm trying to stack 20 students into a teeny space for dinner and devotion, I'm completely sick to death of this place and begin to dream of bigger spaces.

When I recall the day that I was hired as the special education director without submitting an application or interviewing by eight superintendents who had great confidence in not only my ability but my passion for kids with disabilities, I remember squealing, crying, and being completely humbled by the notion of it. But when I'm overwhelmed by unending demands of more and more paperwork, staffing issues, cuts in funding, or even families with needs that make me feel so inadequate, I wonder why in the world He brought me here.

Can anyone else even begin to relate? Am I the only one that forgets the incredible goodness of His "old" blessings? You see, He wasn't good. He IS good. It's not just what He did; it's what He continues to do. Sometimes I need to stop looking for Him to do something new and just bask in the glory of what He has already done. Always good, always compassionate, always weaving the tapestry of our lives with a completely loving hand. Consistenly. Over the long haul. He is GOOD.

Praising Him and loving Him with a grateful heart for the routine of this blessed life.

Goodbye, Sweet Boy

I'm feeling a little blue. I found out today that one of the kids that we have sponsored through Compassion International has dropped out of the program. John Mark stopped coming so the folks from CI went and encouraged him to come back. He didn't. When they went back to talk to him, he wouldn't talk to them. From the letters I have received from this little guy over the course of the last three years, he loved attending school and was truly loving his Jesus. What has happened in this little boy's life? I can't imagine, and perhaps my God is keeping me from knowing too much. I know that many children around the world grow up far too soon and far too quickly. And because I don't know, I can't even speculate, and probably shouldn't.
I don't even know what to say. I get to write him one more letter. The workers there in his little village in the Phillipines will make sure he gets it. I'm sure the Lord will give me words, but right now, well, my heart just hurts so I don't know what to say. I do know what I am to do, though. I will continue to pray for this sweet little nine year old boy. And I will continue to love him - this child who has left an indelible mark on my heart - I've often thought of it as John's Mark. And I will trust my God who loves him far more than I do and who knows and sees all things. I am so grateful for a God who is trustworthy - in ALL things. Aren't you?

On the Occasion of my 46th Birthday

I'm facing a big decision at work. One that will greatly impact the entire organization and its well-being, and thus, the well-being of those entrusted to me to lead. Sometimes being the boss is just plain hard. So after a whopping 3 1/2 hours sleep, I woke up, tossed and turned, and finally just got up.

I came to my favorite quiet time place of the recliner, bowed my head and prayed for wisdom, for those who are sick and hurting, for my children, my husband, my nation, and that God would bless the study of His Word - not unlike most mornings. And also not unlike most mornings, I picked up my Bible study and dove in. Also, not unlike many mornings, I found myself a day behind in my study because, well, the week before I got a day behind and hadn't caught up.

I read about Boaz's kindness to Ruth and read and reread Ruth 2:12: "May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge."  That last phrase reminded me of and then the lesson further explored one of my FAVORITE images of my God. Majestic and Powerful. Wings stretched out so wide it creates a cool shadow underneath. Then we read further in Psalm 91 about the beauty of living inside that shadow and the blessings of it. Outside of that shadow is a world set to destroy me. Wrought with dangers - physical, emotional, spiritual - literally ablaze with evil set against me. And yet there I am - tucked safely beneath His wings. Not crouched down in fear at all, though. I see that blazing inferno around me and yet I am safe, loved, protected, cool and cared for. A smile on my face and a joy in my soul because of a God who snatched me from that inferno and called me His beloved. He set my feet on solid ground and as if that weren't enough, chooses to hover over me in love. He even calls me His inheritance. So my response - I wept. I wept with tears of gratitude and love and joy and peace - so much emotion that it can only be expressed through tears. Oh how I love Him.

So you see, my first birthday present of the day was from my Father. A blessed reminder of how precious I am to Him, a glimpse of His glory, and a refreshing of my spirit.

Please be blessed by these 16 short little verses - be careful though, you may just get overwhelmed by Him!

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

On being loved

How I love my Savior. He came as a baby. Leaving a throne so splendid we cannot even grasp its magnificence, He took on human flesh so that He could feel what I feel, be tempted as I am tempted, and yet live in perfection that I cannot. He did it so that He could carry a cross, allow Roman soldiers to nail Him to it, and suffer and die a horrific death. Why on earth??? Oh, yes. I remember now. It wasn't because of earth. It was because of what comes next. He did it because this isn't all there is. And He wants to offer us the best and save us from Satan's worst. His preference was to leave the throne instead of remaining there without me...or without you. Today as we observed the holy ordinance of the Lord's Supper, I held that little piece of cracker then that tiny cup of juice, and I thought several times as I prayed, "Was I worth it? Was I really worth it, Lord?" I knew by the peace in my heart and flood of joy I felt that His answer was and emphatic, "Yes!" How do I know? Because according to the Holy Word of God, He says that when He comes again as the conquering King, those who are called His own will come with Him, clean and pure in the finest of white linen. He wants us to be a part of His triumph.

His resurrection that we celebrate today is what we experience now. Forgiveness that is beyond my comprehension. What a blessing. But seriously, we 'ain't seen nothin' yet'!!!!

Revelation 19: 11-16
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice He judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire and on His head are many crowns. He has a name written on Him that no one knows but He, himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood and His name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following Him, dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of His mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter." He treads the winepresses of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On His robe and on His thigh He has this name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.

He's alive today, and He is coming back for us. So although I know I am unworthy, He sees me as worth it. Praise God!

Come Running...

Casey and I - along with 505 other women- had a wonderful and unique opportunity this weekend. At the beginning of 2009 we accepted a challenge by Beth Moore to memorize two scriptures each month. We were to log onto her blog, post our sriptures, write them on our notecards and, well, WORK HARD to memorize them. A few months later, Beth revealed her plans to celebrate the accomplishment by inviting anyone who memorized their verses to a special event at FBC Houston. Casey and I did it!! And we went!! Casey drove us to Houston; we settled in at the hotel, and we were off! That small group (honestly Beth's events are known to have upwards of 10,ooo+!!) met at the church Friday night and Saturday morning. Travis Cottrell leading worship and Beth Moore teaching - Now that is my idea of celebration!!

It was an amazing weekend of worship and learning at the feet of a true servant of God. We got to eat good food, have sweet girl time, laugh and cry together, meet many of our blogging friends face-to-face, and then to top it off for me, we had lunch before we left with Gina - truly one of my very dearest lifetime friends - and her sweet daughter Ashley. God truly blessed me with a wonderful weekend.

Now any of you who know us, know that Casey and I are Beth Moore groupies. SERIOUSLY. If she teaches it, we study it. If she recommends it, we try it. If she says it, we listen. If she invites us, we go! And we, of course, made sure that we were at the church early to be able to get a great seat. And we did!! Up close and personal with one whom I consider to be one of the most annointed teachers of our time. I mean that genuinely. She can bring the Word of God to life like few others can.

BUT - Friday night, during the event and even later as I tried to sleep I felt a certain uneasiness. I couldn't figure it out, but I couldn't seem to shake it. I woke up before 5 a.m. and as I lay there in the stillness and the quiet, I began to pray and ask God to reveal Himself to me so that I could understand what this nagging unrest was. He did. And it was so obvious. And it was so convicting. And it was so good. I needed it. IT was perspective. IT was priority. IT was this question posed by my God,

"So, how many of those women, including you, who are so quick to line up early and rush through the doors to see my servant are as quick to rush to sit at My feet?" Then He got really personal, "How many days do you literally drag yourself to your quiet place for an audience, not of 500 to 1, but 1 on 1, with Me - God Almighty, Lord of ALL?"

Ouch. That hurt. Actually it broke my heart. I confessed my sin before my God and arose that day forgiven and ready to start afresh, but the question continues to follow me. Honestly, any eyes that fall on these words, I hope it rattles YOU, too. We are so excited about so many things we go to see, people we hear, events we attend, and yet, our time with Him is often last on the list and often undone. Or even when done, as part of our 'routine' or done in a rush or half-heartedly. Never doubt, sweet one, that although He is unseen, He remains greater, more vast, and more powerful than anything that IS seen. My prayer tonight is that He would simply blow our minds with the overwhelming knowing of HIM - The Great I AM. Creator, Sustainer, Redeemer - HE IS EVERYTHING. Let's rush to Him. To await what He will tell us, to sit in His presence, to feel His good pleasure. Come running, sweet one. He is waiting with arms wide open!

Eternal...but not yet

So what do we do with this eternity that our hearts are set on while we live in a decaying world which is anything but eternal? Over the course of the last couple of months, I've been forced to take that question off the shelf where I prefer to keep it.

So many losses recently. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death up close and personal with a dear family who lost a very healthy man just shy of his 50th birthday. Lyndon was my friend. His wife, Kim, is a close friend. His daughters Angela and Alisha both came through our youth group from the 6th grade to the 12th. My bond with Alisha is special. I've always considered her my 3rd daughter. She and Chelsea have been the best of friends - with all the ins and outs of that- since they were like 11 years old. Lyndon was a runner. His goal was a marathon. He collapsed and died after he had completed his first 20 mile run. The doctors say the running prolonged his life by many years. Kim and Lyndon were just finding the joy of an empty nest which leads to rediscovery. His first grandson, Kooper, just 8 months old, loved his PaPa...and was adored by Lyndon. So I just have to ask, "Lord, what in the world?"

Then just a couple of weeks ago, a dear friend of my niece, a young woman who kept my own child many times, a young woman I had watched grow up - was found dead in her home. 34 years old. Paige had a way of spreading love and joy like few people I know. Truly. So I just have to ask, "Lord, what in the world?"

Today, a young man, 20 years old who grew up with and graduated with Chelsea was shot and killed today. I'm sure we will find out more of how and why this happened, but as I ponder the heartbreak of his parents, I just have to ask, "Lord, what in the world?"

So once again, I take the question off the shelf, dust it off, and ask, "What do we do with an eternity that has yet to come? What do we do with the fact that we live in mortal bodies with mortal endings - sometimes tragic endings? How, Lord, do we face tomorrow and accomplish the tasks you set before us when all we want to do is hold those close to us and not let them go? How do we continue life when pain cripples us and grief swallows us whole?"

I don't know the answers yet. I may never know until it is answered in completion - my eternal completion. But I do know that He promises that He will walk us through it. I do know that His Word says to lift our eyes up to the One from whom our help will come. I do know that Jesus tells us that the Holy Spirit will bring greater comfort than even the Son could bring. I do know that we can hide in the shadow of His wings. I do know that when we arrive we will KNOW the ones who have gone before us. I do know that there is no pain or sorrow and that Jesus Himself will dry our tears.

And I do know that this pain we feel is not foreign to our Savior. That's why He came. So He could be our Great Priest because of the depth of His understanding of our feelings, flaws and flailings. So He could feel everything that you and I feel. Remember the shortest verse in Scripture? "Jesus wept." That is in reference to the loss of His friend Lazarus and said right before He raised him back to life.

Hmm. The One who sees-and controls- the imminent resurrection also feels the horrid, consuming power of grief. Praise God. He knows and feels. And He loves us enough that He wants us to have hope beyond the grief. That's why He came. So that when we ask, "Lord, what in the world?" He can answer - This isn't our eternity. Don't look for it here. We are eternal...but not yet. If that weren't the case, then, well, He wouldn't have had to come. And we would never have the hope of eternity with Him and the privilege and the hope of Him being our answer - truly our all in all - in our now - our hurt, our horror, our loss.

ALWAYS ask for a window seat...

Lately I have been struggling with some things. And I have a confession. The longer I struggle with the issue the more susceptible I am to doubt. I KNOW God loves me and wants what is best for me. I KNOW God is always with me through every battle. I KNOW God forgives me for the messes I create. I KNOW God is willing to help me out of those same messes. I KNOW God is big enough to do whatever it takes to save me from the situation. But when He doesn't do it in the way or timing that I am looking for, I must admit, I begin to question those things. Thankfully, as soon as the doubt comes, I usually am very successful in refuting it, but still the doubts will sneak up sometimes. Anyone else know what I mean?

So last week I was travelling. Flew to San Antonio for a board meeting and a legal conference. Two very good, very productive days. Thursday I arrived at the airport and was so looking forward to coming home. I double checked to see if there were any earlier flights to DFW, and there were, but I still couldn't get from DFW to Wichita Falls any earlier, so I told the nice lady nevermind. I would just stay there and get some work done while I waited the extra hour. San Antonio's airport has free wi-fi and some lovely white rocking chairs to work from, so I figured I would be more comfortable there. And sure enough, I spent the next hour or so doing some work!!

About 15 minutes prior to boarding time, I made my way to the gate. I was in group 6 so would be boarding among the last. I became a little concerned when they abruptly shut the door halfway through boarding. Within a few minutes, they announced that DFW had severe weather coming in and had shut down all incoming and outgoing flights, but that all should be clear in about an hour. I figured if that held true then I would be fine to catch my connecting flight. An hour later, DFW was still closed. Having gone through something similar that would have caused me to have to stay a night in Dallas with no luggage just a few months ago, I called and rented a car at DFW. I knew if I could just get to Dallas I could get home one way or another! We eventually boarded the plane about an hour and a half late. Of course, we were all being assured that because the whole airport was shut down, making our connecting flights would be no problem. More on that later...

NOW to the real point of this post...Once we were in the air, I, in my window seat began reading my magazine, but I caught a glimpse of light out of the corner of my eye. I realized that I was no where near the wing, so I turned my head and...I began to watch the MOST spectacular thing I have EVER seen in my life. We were flying north, and as I looked out the window, I was looking east at that severe weather that had just passed through the Dallas area. It stretched as far to the north and south as I could see. A huge billowing mass of clouds - that was lit up in some form or fashion, literally the WHOLE hour flight. It was almost like watching twinkling lights on a Christmas tree. The lightening would flash deep in the clouds, on the outer edge, with strikes or with a dancing glow. But there was never complete darkness in that expanse. I was completely mesmerized by the show. I glanced down and again was amazed. I saw what appeared to be a blanket of cotton balls beneath us. I've never seen clouds like that...not the huge billowing kind, but the very small puffy type. It looked as if someone was opening a huge bag; it ripped, and all the cotton balls spilled out. I kept watching the light show and would glance down every now and then. I then realized that the sky was bright above the storm. I looked up. Against the deepest midnight blue sky was a huge gibbous moon. Almost perfectly full. Stunning. Beautiful moon, flashing storm, cotton ball blanket. Then the clouds below parted and I saw the lights, the buildings, the traffic of a city. As we began our descent, the tears began their descent. I didn't even care who saw. I thought, "Oh, please, just ask me why I'm crying. I need to tell someone of this incredible God who loves me so dearly." My God who says, "Look at this storm, closer to My perspective than you have ever been, sweet child. Now look below at the coming and goings of man and know this: I know the very number of hairs on every head of those below you. I created that moon, that storm and those clouds, and I created you, My beloved child. I'm big enough, darlin'. I'm big enough."

So when we landed, we had to wait for our turn to get to the gate. As we waited, I called and discovered that my connecting flight had already left. No worries, I explained. I'm sure the lady on the phone was baffled by my cheerful mood. I told her I had a car. After I hung up, I realized I should have told her that the time I had just had with the Most High was worth way more than a missed flight. I hope He inconveniences me again. I want to see Him out the window again.

Stop the roar

I have a dear friend who seems to be battling the great deceiver in a fierce way. Why is it so hard to believe that we are forgiven and His beloved? Perhaps it is because we become so battle-weary. Perhaps it is because the roaring lion that seeks to devour us is ROARING. Ever heard a lion roar? I remember last year when we were at the zoo. We were on the other side of that large acreage and could distinctly hear the lions roaring. But whether he is whispering lies of guilt and shame or roaring a reminder of our failures, he is persistent...and he is a liar...the father of all lies...in him there is NO truth. But there is One who IS truth. Not a lofty idea or principle to live by...but TRUTH. Living, breathing TRUTH! So for my sweet friend...here is some Truth.

The same God Almighty who created the heavens and the earth, all that is seen and all that is unseen, created you - in His image. Amazing, huh? He knows that Satan is dogging your steps and using others in his scheme. He knows that you feel left behind and vulnerable. He knows that you are sad, bewildered and overwhelmed. You see, sweet friend, He gave you that heart that has been broken by others because you so freely give it away. So He is NOT overwhelmed or surprised. In fact, there is good news - He stands at the ready. Psalm 147:3 tells us, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." He wants to heal you, encourage you, LOVE on you. Crawl up in His lap. Cry out for His love, His forgiveness, and His healing. Feel it wash over you. You are His beloved. The apple of His eye. His favorite.

Satan is lying to you. He is telling you that you have failed your children. Push the restart button and listen to our Jesus; The One and Only; The Living Word of God:

"But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him,
and His righteousness with their children's children." Psalm 103:17

Tomorrow is a new day to start over leaving a legacy of faith for your children. He will count it as righteousness!!! That is the only 'score' He keeps. Every time we exercise a little faith and step out in obedience, He counts it as our righteousness.

And as out of control as things seem, He assures us that we are never out of His care. And He is just waiting to come in and rescue you. 2 Chronicles 16:9 says, "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him."

And finally, I want you to listen to these words:

Zephaniah 3:17 promises, "The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."

Wow. Do you hear Him? Be still, darlin'. Listen. He sings over YOU!

Now THAT is some truth that will shut the mouth of the lion.

And so it begins...where did I leave my galoshes???

Today was the first of at least a bajillion...no, make that two bajillion after-school practices for McKenna. She started the 7th grade yesterday and so volleyball practice follows shortly after!!

I can't even believe it. My baby is 12...oh, and the late bloomer...she may be blossoming. Suddenly it is important to fix hair and make up. Honestly, I don't know how I feel about that. Excited - my baby girl is growing up!! Sad - My baby girl is growing up!! Worried - My baby girl is growing up!!

Amazing how one small sliver of time can bring out a tidal wave of emotion. Like the day she was born, her infancy, preschool, her first day of kindergarten, her salvation and baptism... I think God gives us such capacity for emotion because He knows full well that the world will offer us an inadequate umbrella which of course blows broken, to deal with such a tidal wave. He knows that the tidal wave we deal with when viewed in succession with the other tidal waves of life actually equal a tsunami. And the world offers us a little piece of plastic held on a stick with spokes...oh, and by the way...that umbrella of the world...ummm...yea, a lightening rod.

And yet, He steps in and calls it all, "Good," and works it all to our good, and as if that weren't enough He offers us a peace and calm regardless of the 'storm'. And, boy, are there variations of a storm in this thing we do called life. The somewhat eerie, haunting, yet welcome snow storm...like those times when we just want to 'hole up' somewhere, find a warm place and not venture out - makes me think of when I brought my girls home from the hospital...sweet and a little scary. The raging thunderstorm of lightning, torrential rain and wind...like those times of raising a teenager when you are sure the storm has snatched your kid away and has swept a stranger into their bedroom!! The ravaging hurricanes and tornadoes when things are ripped from the fabric of your life...a divorce, a death, a defining detrimental decision. And yes, even in the sweet soothing showers of light rain followed by the rainbow...the kind that makes certain 'flowers' bloom like a beautiful, innocent child coming into her own...Yes, we need some peace that He offers...or at least I do, because I know that the first of two bajillion moments will literally blow by so quickly like the leaves in a sharp autumn wind that I will wish I had reached out and snatched a few from the air just to hold in my hands, examine and, well, cherish for a while. Because with Him, I can see it all as 'good'.

Sappy Girl

I always tease my sister, Kitty, that she cries too easily, but honestly, since I tried to learn as much as possible from her, she taught me well. *grin* I am a sap. Genuinely, I love anything that tugs at my heartstrings. I love shows like Extreme Home Makeover and chick flicks with a happy-ending. I know that many of my friends feel the same way, so I am here today to offer you something sweet and tender. Mull this over. Let it pull at your heartstrings. Take it as your own.

"I am my beloved's. His desire is toward's me. " Song of Solomon 7:10

Or try this one out of The Message:

"I am my lover's. I am all that He wants. I'm all the world to Him."

This is something meant just for you from the heart of a God that adores you. I don't know about you, but I am so much like the heroine in some of my favorite movies. Prone to mistakes, jumping to conclusions, believing the worst while hoping for the best. So I know that I don't deserve the incredible love of our Savior, but I am so incredibly grateful for it. I love that the story has the happiest of all endings. Even if you aren't a sap like me, you can appreciate that!

He is crazy about you and wants the very best for you. You- the individual. You- the person. Not just 'you' the masses. Take this personally. Bask in His love today.

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Tonight was session 9 of our Esther study. Our last one. I'm bummed. But blessed.

This has been one of the BEST Bible studies I've ever been a part of, let alone led. I have grown so attached to my sweet sisters in this study. Beth Moore of course, taught us tons, but I think the emphasis on all things woman-dom just made the learning that much richer. And the fact that I actually exercised my gift-giving love language. I had such a blast finding small girly treats for my ladies.

And we had such a wide range of women in this group - several who had never done an in-depth study with us. Soooo fun to have people who haven't heard all my stories. We had an 80 year old still married. Several 60ish and 70ish - some married, some widowed. We had some 40ish and 50ish, married and divorced. We had some 20ish and 30ish still raising sweet little ones - or waiting for them to come. We even had a barely 20 year old - my first precious girl who came through my high school Sunday school class to do one of our 'big girl' studies - I can't even tell you what that meant to me. SO PRECIOUS to have time with her in the Word again. Thank you, Shelby, for being a part. We had some ladies who know more about the Word than I will likely ever learn in my lifetime, so for them to put up with me is an amazing little miracle in itself. That is truly humbling. As is having my older sister who is my hero be a part of the group.

It has been an incredible ride. As part of the study, Beth referenced Ecclesiastes 3:11 - The first part about "He has made everything beautiful in its time." But the verse goes on to say, "He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." I thought the second part of the verse was very appropriate for tonight. Because eternity is set in my heart, it doesn't like goodbyes. Actually avoids them. Not good at them at all...turns into the ugly cry pretty fast. So tonight that is what happened. I struggled with the goodbye of it. How I love feasting on the Bread of Life...and how I hate when the party ends.

The good news? The last part of the verse - we still can't fathom what God is going to do with this investment. And We WILL be doing something else together...Can't wait to see what He has in store for us.

God's Providence :)

This is too cool. Seriously.

Okay, bear with me while I set the stage. We are in the middle of the Esther Bible study written and led by Beth Moore - Thank You, Father, for a teacher who GETS You and GETS women. What a blessing she is as Your vessel. This study really is a study in the amazing providence of God and, in Beth's words, 'some mighty good theology' of knowing God's presence is always with us even when we can't see Him or feel Him. We got a little taste of that tonight.

As the facilitator, I have been trying to come up with little gifts that tie in to the study for our ladies -things that have to do with parties or entertaining, beauty treatments, just girly-girl things. Like candles (who ever has a party without lighting candles!!), bracelets, picture clips with a star (one of the Hebrew meanings for Esther), etc... I bought padded hangers to give them, but have literally hauled them in 3 - count 'em THREE times - only to forget to give them to them. I get way too caught up in the whole Bible study thing! :)

One of the things the study has used as a central theme is focusing on scenarios that complete the statement, "It's tough being a woman..." and then the blank gets filled in with different situations where it can be really tough being a woman.

Okay - now stay with me- the good part is coming.

Today is March 10. It is Purim on the Jewish calendar - which is the celebration of the 'reversal of destiny' experienced by the Jews when Esther's actions saved them from complete annihilation. So I thought that was cool- to be studying the event while it really is occuring - but...GET THIS - Tonight was session 7 of the series - the night when Beth starts teaching us the way our Sovereign God reverses all of those "It's tough being a woman" scenarios for us!!!! SOOO...we are studying our own reversals during this celebration of Purim - Don't tell me we aren't God's adopted children!

AND as if that weren't enough, someone pointed out that they were given lovely, perfumed, padded hangers on the night we talked about Haman's hanging!! I know, it is one of those things that your thinking, "I guess you just had to be there." And you may be right, 'cause those precious ladies and I got a big ol' kick out of those little kisses from God tonight!!! We just giggled and oohhed and aahhed Him!!!

His timing - ALWAYS right!!

Holy Smokes!!! - Literally

Okay, God has just been stoking my fire about our new Bible Study group. We started the latest Beth Moore study on Esther tonight. I have just about been inside out over the deal the last few weeks - Holy Smokes from a Holy Fire!!! Well, tonight we FINALLY got to get our feet wet.

And what sweet feet we are wetting!!! We had such fun as we introduced ourselves. I asked them to share either what brought them to this study, their most cherished beauty tip, or a great party tip. FUN!!~and funny!

Such an incredible, diverse, precious group He gathered tonight - younger & older, veteran Bible Studiers & novice Bible Studiers, single & married & divorced & dating & engaged, moms with young children & moms with new grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but all Jesus seekers. WOW!!!! And I'm thinking we will have a few others join us next week. There was already such a sweet spirit of fellowship tonight. Can't wait to see what He does with this study and this group.

Beth shared in the intro that the study would, in part, be a study about our destinies. Our personal destinies. I began to ponder the idea of Esther and her destiny...and ours. At the end of the session, I had the ladies close their eyes and envision the most beautiful starry night sky they had ever seen. I reminded them of God's promise to Abraham about his descendants outnumbering the stars. Then I asked them to find the brightest one in the night sky they were seeing. I told them THAT star was them. They are the spiritual descendants of Abraham and reminded them of the incredible spiritual heritage they have as a result. I reminded them that as a star in God's sky, they not only have a heritage, they also have an incredible spiritual destiny as well. I am so excited that I get to observe their sweet destiny unfold for these next 10 weeks!

Those who might read this ~ please pray with us and for us!
BE HUGE, FATHER!!! BE HUGE!!!

Happy New Year!!

Blessings to all eyes that might fall upon these words. As I type this, I pray - "Father, in Your infinite wisdom and omniscience, I pray that while I may not know exactly who might read this, or when, I do ask that because You do know, You will bless each one in the coming year with this simple request; one which I seek for myself. In finding our purpose, my Sweet Lord, I pray that love abounding will be the watermark of this year. Let us love You with abandon and each other with a love that looks like Yours. Becky, illustrated the perfect request, Lord, in her new calendar. Please, Father, more of You, less of me. In the MIGHTY name of our Jesus, Amen."

Time passes, things change, children grow...but He hasn't

A 20 year tradition is over. I've literally cried over this. I know I'm such a sap, but Santa has visited my house for 20 years!! I've been thinking that it was over, but I have new thought- more on that later.

So earlier I was throwing myself one world-class size pity party. Santa not coming. How can this be? He has come every Christmas for 20 years. (I know I'm so stinking old and my girls are too far apart, but hey, it wasn't MY plan!) So in the midst of my little meltdown of feeling sorry for myself, I started thinking about the whole reason we celebrate Christmas and then I felt very ashamed...So I began to talk to the Lord about my selfishness and sorry attitude and how horrible I was to have ever celebrated the season with anything other than Christ, but I didn't get very far. As we were talking, just the two of us in the Mom Mobile - I had one foot over the line into self-bashing mode- He helped me realize that it was OKAY to be sad about Santa- that it was okay to mourn the passing of childhood and the magic of it - and that I haven't pushed Him out of the season or the celebration. Before it was over, He had helped me to realize that He has become such a part of my everyday life that there is rarely ANYTHING that He does not have a major role in. WHOA! I mean seriously, WHOA!! This isn't the same girl of 24 trying to create magic for my little one. I know Truth and Truth has set me free. Pity turned to praise pretty darn quick. He is amazing. Truly the one who brings comfort in sorrow. He encouraged me and brought me the peace that He came to give so long ago. He is my great High Priest, and He is still my Emmanuel.

So as for Santa. Well, new traditions may start, but he is still coming to my house. Those who don't believe, won't receive! Simple as that. No more talk of him not being real. He may not be who McKenna and Chelsea thought he was, but the love and magic remains in the heart of the one who made that magic happen for them for all these years. And besides, my sweet Jesus told me it was okay. A little magic and a whole lot of praise - I think it is the perfect formula for a great Christmas!

Thanksgiving?

Okay, I have a confession. I haven't been very thankful lately...and I've been in a pretty crummy mood. I could go into all the reasons why life has been a little stinky lately, but that really isn't the point. Honestly, I've done that enough. And that dirty dog, the devil, has been replaying it all for me again and again. Sorry sucker. He's been stealing my joy. No wonder Scripture calls him a thief and a liar.

So, this morning, Thanksgiving morn, I woke up and spent time being grateful to the Giver of all good gifts. First I confessed to my Sweet Savior that I have not been looking much like Him lately, especially on the inside...even if I tried to make the outside look and act right. I'm glad He sees that yucky stuff on the inside, too, though. I didn't have to worry about Him being surprised or shocked when I told Him what a jerk I've been lately. Not with what came out of my mouth, but with the running dialogue in my head.

Then, I thanked Him one by one for my sweet blessings.

For sisters- for Kitty, Penny and Amy - all unique, all special, all mine. And praise God, we are all still here. Seems we've suffered too much loss in our lives the last few years, so I thanked Him for keeping my dad, my step mom, my sisters and our families in tact for the holidays.

For jobs - I'm just grateful that Jimmy and I know that we will be getting paychecks. Not everyone has that assurance, so I prayed for those who don't.

For my country - I thanked Him for allowing me to live in a country where His Word can still be taught and for those who defend it. For young men like Cody Hanson and Mike Brown and the countless others like them who sacrifice their Thanksgiving with family so that we can all celebrate our blessings and our freedom, and so that others might know the same privilege.

For my staff - One by one, name by name, family by family. Each one is precious to me...and make such a difference in the lives of children. I prayed blessings on them and expressed my gratitude for the humbling opportunity to serve them.

For my board - Eight great guys with families and lives outside of the schools they serve. I prayed for each of their families and thanked God for the humbling experience of working along side them and learning so much from them.

For my home - small by any standard, but also cozy and easier to clean than if it were doubled in size! I thanked Him for comfortable surroundings, sentimental mementos, irreplaceable memories.

For my in-laws- A mother and father, sister and nieces, who are as dear to me as if we shared the same blood. So grateful for those precious relationships. I thanked Him for allowing me this incredible privilege and blessing.

For my church, our youth, our ladies so faithful to studying His Word - My brothers and sisters in Christ who have supported me through some of my darkest times and celebrated with me in times of joy. I cannot imagine who I would be without that body of believers. Who would have ever thought God could use this wretch in a shared ministry with my husband? Wow. I thanked Him for using His church to change my life and for allowing me to serve alongside so many that look like Him to me.

For friends - Too many to name here, but in particular, Melissa who is doing so much in service to children, Gina who has been with me through thick and thin for over 30 years, Diana - my listening and advising mentor, Casey - the one I desire to mentor in some small way, who I laugh with and grow with. These three dear ones probably know more of my junk than they really want to, and I thanked God that they love me anyway and I prayed for each of them in their unique situations.

For my beautiful girls - I thanked Him for choosing - of all the women of the world - to be Chelsea and McKenna's Mom. I thanked Him for guidance, for laughter, for tender moments, for love that is beyond me, for two distinct individuals with such unique attributes and characteristics and a bond that runs so deep.

For my husband - I thanked Him for writing a love story beyond this princess's dreams and for allowing Jimmy and I to be the exclamation point at the end of the story!!!...for giving me a spiritual leader for my girls and I, for a man who appreciates and loves me - and isn't afraid or ashamed to show it, for a guy that makes me laugh, and a love that continues to grow. Oh, and I thanked Him that Jimmy is really good with Christmas lights and lawn work - I know that made Him smile.

As you can imagine, by the time I went through that and many other things, like Siesta and blogworld friends, an infallible Word that sustains me, venti peppermint mochas, and learning from the likes of Beth Moore and Max Lucado, and on and on and on, I realized a couple of things. I was sorrier than before that I had been having such a bad attitude, but I was also ticked off that I had allowed Satan to steal my joy...and my strength.

So the Word for the day...Nehemiah 8:10 "Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

Keeping it Real

I was recently hit square between the eyes with an accusation that hasn't come my way in a very long time...But it still makes me sick at my stomach, and hot - you know the "even my ears are hot" hot. The words weren't really not slung, but the concept was heavy in the air. "YOU ARE A FAKE." Oh, I had plenty to say, plenty to use to defend myself against the accusations of being unsupportive, unkind, unprofessional. But the defense would have been given somewhat in a sound proof booth because the accuser had long since stopped listening. And the outcome of the situation would have stayed the same. So why give it a second thought?

Why not just let it roll off my back? That is what my colleagues in similar positions would advise me to do I feel sure. Why not just consider the words in context of the situation and in relation to the history of this person? Well, because SHE really wasn't the issue. The issue with her was resolved.

The reason I couldn't just "blow it off"? It's because it is one of my greatest fears. Again, not really in the context of the situation in which it was accused, but rather as a general statement of life. Duplicity. Hypocrisy. Fake. Imposter. Being one thing one place and a different thing somewhere else. Dear God, please don't let it be so.

If there is one thing I crave desperately is consistency. I want to model for my precious daughters what it is to be a woman of God in every aspect of their lives. If I am not who I claim to be with them then I might as well not be at all...yes, at all. Motherhood is such an incredibly challenging role, isn't it? I think my sweet girls can live with me failing. They know I'm human. But what if I am a Godly woman in the outside world, but then I close my front door and become someone else. What we have is a potential foothold, a sin. Can you say 'trainwreck'?

So I am allowing some time for some reflection and correction if needed. I'm so grateful to serve a God who doesn't require us to have it all together to come to the foot of the Cross. I want to have a teachable heart and even in opposition be open to hear from the Holy Spirit.


One of the things the Lord has directed me to is one of my all-time favorite poems, IF by Rudyard Kipling. I hope it encourages you. Keeping it real-

What a day! God has been so very good...not that He ever ISN'T - It's just that today I desperately needed His encouragement. Did you read that wrenching entry at about 4 o'clock this morning? I woke up at 1:30. So, if this entry makes NO sense...you will understand why! Anyway, not only was I awake, I was desperate. I have been listening/watching too much media. I guess I got caught up in all the campaign hype. And in reality, this is definitely serious business. But, seriously, I think I turned into Chicken Little in the middle of the night.



The previous entry was just me being raw before the Lord. But let me share with you how He answered my prayers for encouragement and strength.

All day, He spoke encouragement and peace into my spirit. Innumerable songs praised His Sovereignty. When I began to dwell on the thoughts that disturb me so about this election (no-not race or economics, but the things that clearly fly in the face of God's Word), I would pray and feel the peace of His immediate presence.
"Darlin', I'm still on My throne, you know." "
"Guess what? I'm not surprised, nor am I worried."
"You need to let Me be God. Okay, Darlin'?"
"This is just one event, darlin', on a Kingdom calendar you can't see...But it's okay. I see it. I even planned it."
"I know you are afraid. But I'm here with you...I promise."
"I am the Ancient of Days. ; ) I KNOW how everyone voted...and the promptings of their hearts that you don't know."
"Darlin', you are my child. Do you think I would let harm come to you? Let's do a little review, sweet girl." And we did.

(Did you notice how often He calls me darlin'? He is so tender. )


Do you get the point of that constant dialogue? He was working overtime with me today. And somehow in the midst of keeping the sun in the sky and the earth on its axis, He spent A LOT of time with me today. I know this is very me focused, but that's exactly what I needed today from Him. I hope you have those days, too. Aren't they sweet? When even though it's a busy day with all of life's distractions, He is RIGHT THERE every time you turn around. May you find peace today, my precious child of God. You are going to be okay. No matter what happens in this election. I know. I know you will be more than just okay...Shhh...don't tell, but I've read the last chapter. AND...I've spent some time with the Author. He told me how it all ends. It's good, trust me.

Thank you , Beth Moore and Living Proof

This is from a post on the Lifeway site celebrating 10 years of Living Proof Live events with Beth Moore. The offer was to leave a comment of thanks. Well, of course, a simple thank you would never do for me!...


This box they have me typing in seems awfully small for the overflow of feelings I have. When I was 32 years old, shortly after I had my second daughter, my oldest daughter, Chelsea, had just given her heart to Christ. I had become absolutely dumb-struck by the incredible responsibility and privelege I had for my daughters' discipling. I was completely unprepared. I was saved at an early age but never really discipled and to say I made some lousy choices wouldn't even begin to describe my wreck of a life...But God. He encircled me with a church that reached out to the girls and I and loved us like crazy. And my first big step was doing Experiencing God. Huge change for me. So what does all that have to do with the question posed here...

Then came my first Beth Moore study. I learned so much. And your two girls were just older versions of my own. I was inpired and encouraged. Thank you.

I remember completing two Beth Moore studies before going to my first LPL event. And unlike one of my Siestas who had it right from the beginning, I had to guard myself from worshipping the messenger instead of the only real Message! Yes, I became an official Beth Moore groupie in Moore, Ok (pretty appropriate, huh?). One of the first Christian music CD's I bought was the LPL CD from Travis - oh my, it might have even been on cassette back in the day! What a praise team!! No words will ever do them justice. Thank you. I've completed all but I think one of Beth's studies, and after either leading (who would have ever dreamed - oh, yeah...Him.) or attending them, I had to buy the trade book, too. I didn't want the truth she taught me to slip away. Thank you.

And, Beth, I remember somehow you were booked to speak in...of all places...Seymour, TX, which is a little over an hour's drive from my house. Which, of course, all Texans understand is "just up the road." I think that was before you really hit it "big"... ;)I attended that event and cried from the start to the finish and healed more than you can imagine. You see, just a week or so before, my husband of 16 years had told me he was finished. I needed you and even more I needed Him...and you lead me to Him. That was in 2000. Thank you.

And this summer I got to be a part of the Siesta Fiesta. What fun and what joy!! How far we have come!!! Thank you.

Beth, I remember so vividly you talking about the two people who inspired you to be hungry and love God's Word and to love Jesus with abandon. Well, my dear sweet sister, YOU have been that mentor for me. Even if from afar, even if from words on a page, even if from a message from a video. No other single teacher has had a greater impact on me than you. And I pray that the influence I now pass on is one that is absolutely glorifying to Jesus alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will continue to pray for you, your precious family, and your team.

Get Thee Behind Me

Get thee behind me, you deceiver of old.
You have no authority, no power, no control.
Go back from whence you came.
For Jesus lives in THIS place.

O you have trapped and even ensnared me before.
But Jesus reigns supreme here now and forevermore.
You have nothing to show for your decietful ways-
For all that you set to destroy me with
Are now under His control.
And He is using those despicable things
To bring Hope, Faith and Love
To those in such desperate need.
Because now they can believe,
"If He can use one such as she, surely He can me!”

Crawl on your belly and leave me at once.
For haven’t you noticed that my stumblings
Are fewer and further between?
But we both know it is not me. Oh, no.
My Strength and my Confidence are not my own, of course you see-
But of the One you believe in and fear
And of the One I adore.

You with your beauty and pride are no match for Him.
You lose. Yes, you lose. Your crushing will come.
For His love, His mercy, His grace
Are beyond your ability to battle.
Perhaps you enjoy small victories of sin in this fallen world.
But make no mistake, you slithering snake, your Foe is the victor.

Truth is His name; Love He proclaims
And freedom for the captured soul that you have failed to destroy.
Get thee behind me, you deceiver of old.
For there is room for only One – the Lover of my soul.