Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Keeping it Real

I was recently hit square between the eyes with an accusation that hasn't come my way in a very long time...But it still makes me sick at my stomach, and hot - you know the "even my ears are hot" hot. The words weren't really not slung, but the concept was heavy in the air. "YOU ARE A FAKE." Oh, I had plenty to say, plenty to use to defend myself against the accusations of being unsupportive, unkind, unprofessional. But the defense would have been given somewhat in a sound proof booth because the accuser had long since stopped listening. And the outcome of the situation would have stayed the same. So why give it a second thought?

Why not just let it roll off my back? That is what my colleagues in similar positions would advise me to do I feel sure. Why not just consider the words in context of the situation and in relation to the history of this person? Well, because SHE really wasn't the issue. The issue with her was resolved.

The reason I couldn't just "blow it off"? It's because it is one of my greatest fears. Again, not really in the context of the situation in which it was accused, but rather as a general statement of life. Duplicity. Hypocrisy. Fake. Imposter. Being one thing one place and a different thing somewhere else. Dear God, please don't let it be so.

If there is one thing I crave desperately is consistency. I want to model for my precious daughters what it is to be a woman of God in every aspect of their lives. If I am not who I claim to be with them then I might as well not be at all...yes, at all. Motherhood is such an incredibly challenging role, isn't it? I think my sweet girls can live with me failing. They know I'm human. But what if I am a Godly woman in the outside world, but then I close my front door and become someone else. What we have is a potential foothold, a sin. Can you say 'trainwreck'?

So I am allowing some time for some reflection and correction if needed. I'm so grateful to serve a God who doesn't require us to have it all together to come to the foot of the Cross. I want to have a teachable heart and even in opposition be open to hear from the Holy Spirit.

One of the things the Lord has directed me to is one of my all-time favorite poems, IF by Rudyard Kipling. I hope it encourages you. Keeping it real-

No comments: