Cindy - My Life HIS story

"Old" Blessings

2011-01-20T23:34:00.000-06:00

I've been out of town for several days, and lately my thoughts have turned again and again to a young mom who had a major stroke a week ago - still in a drug-induced coma...starting to come out of it, but don't know the extent of the damage yet. So, we pray.

I thought a lot about how wild and inspiring it has been to watch literally a world-wide community come together to bathe Joanne and her family in prayer. You can read about her journey and the precious love of her husband at The Simple Wife. It's truly a beautiful...and frightening thing.

I've also thought a lot about the mulitude of blessings I've been given and how often I take them for granted. A week ago, Joanne's husband and her two little girls were likely going through the regular routine of life. And then there was no more routine.

I've wondered what would happen if my routine was suspended indefinitely. Oh, it has happened before, and I survived - even thrived in some situations. But I'm thinking about NOW. This routine that I've settled into is quite lovely. Stressful at times for certain, but lovely nonetheless. Some might think of it as drudgery. I mean this certainly isn't the stuff of sitcoms or reality shows - Thank You, Lord!!

Mine is a life focused on my beloved family, on making a difference because of the work I do, of serving in ministry alongside my husband as well as on my own. A very GOOD life. A very COMFORTABLE life. And if something were to happen to my husband or my daughters, or one of my sisters or other extended family, I'm not sure how well I would handle that. I don't think about it a lot. It's one of those things that you ask God never to put you through, but trust Him to get you through if He chooses it to weave the tapestry of your story.

What all this has really rattled in me is this incredible lack of gratitude. This lack of appreciation for blessings - "old' blessings. It's amazing how we become lulled by the routine of life almost numb to His extended goodness.

When I recall the love story that is mine that could have ONLY happened by His divine intervention, I am awed by my God again and again. But when my husband has ticked me off with some little thing he has done, said or not said or not done, the love story is forgotten.

When I recall the tears of joy I wept when each of my children were born or the incredibly deep and abiding happiness that comes with little "I love you" notes with backward letters and misspelled words, I am overwhelmed with gratitude to have been chosen to be their mom. But when one of those girls literally break my heart by her words or actions, the deep happiness is a vapor.

When I recall sitting on the floor, face down, thanking Him for His provision the first time I walked into my house and realized it would be our home, I look around and see again all the things I love about this house. But when I'm trying to stack 20 students into a teeny space for dinner and devotion, I'm completely sick to death of this place and begin to dream of bigger spaces.

When I recall the day that I was hired as the special education director without submitting an application or interviewing by eight superintendents who had great confidence in not only my ability but my passion for kids with disabilities, I remember squealing, crying, and being completely humbled by the notion of it. But when I'm overwhelmed by unending demands of more and more paperwork, staffing issues, cuts in funding, or even families with needs that make me feel so inadequate, I wonder why in the world He brought me here.

Can anyone else even begin to relate? Am I the only one that forgets the incredible goodness of His "old" blessings? You see, He wasn't good. He IS good. It's not just what He did; it's what He continues to do. Sometimes I need to stop looking for Him to do something new and just bask in the glory of what He has already done. Always good, always compassionate, always weaving the tapestry of our lives with a completely loving hand. Consistenly. Over the long haul. He is GOOD.

Praising Him and loving Him with a grateful heart for the routine of this blessed life.

Goodbye, Sweet Boy

2010-11-29T22:49:00.000-06:00

I'm feeling a little blue. I found out today that one of the kids that we have sponsored through Compassion International has dropped out of the program. John Mark stopped coming so the folks from CI went and encouraged him to come back. He didn't. When they went back to talk to him, he wouldn't talk to them. From the letters I have received from this little guy over the course of the last three years, he loved attending school and was truly loving his Jesus. What has happened in this little boy's life? I can't imagine, and perhaps my God is keeping me from knowing too much. I know that many children around the world grow up far too soon and far too quickly. And because I don't know, I can't even speculate, and probably shouldn't.
I don't even know what to say. I get to write him one more letter. The workers there in his little village in the Phillipines will make sure he gets it. I'm sure the Lord will give me words, but right now, well, my heart just hurts so I don't know what to say. I do know what I am to do, though. I will continue to pray for this sweet little nine year old boy. And I will continue to love him - this child who has left an indelible mark on my heart - I've often thought of it as John's Mark. And I will trust my God who loves him far more than I do and who knows and sees all things. I am so grateful for a God who is trustworthy - in ALL things. Aren't you?

On the Occasion of my 46th Birthday

2010-07-08T05:23:00.001-05:00

I'm facing a big decision at work. One that will greatly impact the entire organization and its well-being, and thus, the well-being of those entrusted to me to lead. Sometimes being the boss is just plain hard. So after a whopping 3 1/2 hours sleep, I woke up, tossed and turned, and finally just got up.

I came to my favorite quiet time place of the recliner, bowed my head and prayed for wisdom, for those who are sick and hurting, for my children, my husband, my nation, and that God would bless the study of His Word - not unlike most mornings. And also not unlike most mornings, I picked up my Bible study and dove in. Also, not unlike many mornings, I found myself a day behind in my study because, well, the week before I got a day behind and hadn't caught up.

I read about Boaz's kindness to Ruth and read and reread Ruth 2:12: "May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge." That last phrase reminded me of and then the lesson further explored one of my FAVORITE images of my God. Majestic and Powerful. Wings stretched out so wide it creates a cool shadow underneath. Then we read further in Psalm 91 about the beauty of living inside that shadow and the blessings of it. Outside of that shadow is a world set to destroy me. Wrought with dangers - physical, emotional, spiritual - literally ablaze with evil set against me. And yet there I am - tucked safely beneath His wings. Not crouched down in fear at all, though. I see that blazing inferno around me and yet I am safe, loved, protected, cool and cared for. A smile on my face and a joy in my soul because of a God who snatched me from that inferno and called me His beloved. He set my feet on solid ground and as if that weren't enough, chooses to hover over me in love. He even calls me His inheritance. So my response - I wept. I wept with tears of gratitude and love and joy and peace - so much emotion that it can only be expressed through tears. Oh how I love Him.

So you see, my first birthday present of the day was from my Father. A blessed reminder of how precious I am to Him, a glimpse of His glory, and a refreshing of my spirit.

Please be blessed by these 16 short little verses - be careful though, you may just get overwhelmed by Him!

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

On being loved

2010-04-04T21:11:00.000-05:00

How I love my Savior. He came as a baby. Leaving a throne so splendid we cannot even grasp its magnificence, He took on human flesh so that He could feel what I feel, be tempted as I am tempted, and yet live in perfection that I cannot. He did it so that He could carry a cross, allow Roman soldiers to nail Him to it, and suffer and die a horrific death. Why on earth??? Oh, yes. I remember now. It wasn't because of earth. It was because of what comes next. He did it because this isn't all there is. And He wants to offer us the best and save us from Satan's worst. His preference was to leave the throne instead of remaining there without me...or without you. Today as we observed the holy ordinance of the Lord's Supper, I held that little piece of cracker then that tiny cup of juice, and I thought several times as I prayed, "Was I worth it? Was I really worth it, Lord?" I knew by the peace in my heart and flood of joy I felt that His answer was and emphatic, "Yes!" How do I know? Because according to the Holy Word of God, He says that when He comes again as the conquering King, those who are called His own will come with Him, clean and pure in the finest of white linen. He wants us to be a part of His triumph.

His resurrection that we celebrate today is what we experience now. Forgiveness that is beyond my comprehension. What a blessing. But seriously, we 'ain't seen nothin' yet'!!!!

Revelation 19: 11-16
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice He judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire and on His head are many crowns. He has a name written on Him that no one knows but He, himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood and His name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following Him, dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of His mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter." He treads the winepresses of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On His robe and on His thigh He has this name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.

He's alive today, and He is coming back for us. So although I know I am unworthy, He sees me as worth it. Praise God!

Could it be?

2010-03-22T20:13:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, I have been feeling for quite some time that the Lord is likely building a new ministry for me. A speaking ministry. I know what some of you are thinking..."I thought He equipped the called, not called the equipped." Very funny...I know I speak - A LOT. But this is a very distinctive ministry...one of ministering to women beyond my own church. God has given me several 'messages' for lack of a better descriptor but as of yet, I've not delivered them...not 'out there' like at women's conferences, retreats or events, just in classes or studies I'm leading at our home church, and then just in partiality, not in completion. So as you can see by all of this rambling, I'm still in a bit of a quandry. The primary question is, "Where do I even get started?"

Last year, as I pondered this and have asked this question, I began to explore the possibility of attending the She Speaks Conference. But I knew I wouldn't be able to afford to go, so I put it out of my mind. I've continued to follow Proverbs 31 Ministries, and the other day, "OH MY GOODNESS!!" One of my favorite Proverbs 31 women, Lysa, offered this opportunity to attend this year's conference - FREE!! This conference would not only answer the question of where to start but also give clear direction on so many issues I've wondered about in terms of becoming a 'speaker' for a broader audience but a very specific, targeted audience. Most of you know that I spent a great deal of my professional career as a 'teacher' for adults - training and professional development, and, admittedly, God granted me success in that role, but I happen to believe that He used that growth in me as a speaker so that He could use it for His glory. The reason this conference is so important to me is that it is intended for that purpose as well - to equip women to use their gifts of speaking for His glory. So, honestly, I want desperately to be a part of that kind of conference.

So, now the question at hand is, "Could it be?" Could this be how my Lord provides for this ministry opportunity? Could it be that the time is now (or at least this summer!)? It has been my humble experience that He often lays a plan, plants the concept in His people's mind - specifically mine in this scenario - and then makes us wait. Anyone else ever experience something like this: "I know what He wants, but somehow it just isn't happening. Do I really know for sure? Maybe I got the message wrong. Oh, no. What if I've allowed myself this dream, but it isn't really His plan or His will? OH, NO! I missed it. I'm so living outside of His will!!" And then you experience an almost panic-like feeling. And you seek Him with all you have. And then He speaks - clearly, deep into your spirit. And again, you are left to the wondering, and the work that He places before you until it is His time to complete the new work. So, now the question at hand is, "Could it be?" We'll see in a few weeks if I am selected to attend free. And if not, then I'm going to be waiting to hear Him speak again. The best news of all - He will.

Come Running...

2010-01-24T20:18:00.008-06:00

Casey and I - along with 505 other women- had a wonderful and unique opportunity this weekend. At the beginning of 2009 we accepted a challenge by Beth Moore to memorize two scriptures each month. We were to log onto her blog, post our sriptures, write them on our notecards and, well, WORK HARD to memorize them. A few months later, Beth revealed her plans to celebrate the accomplishment by inviting anyone who memorized their verses to a special event at FBC Houston. Casey and I did it!! And we went!! Casey drove us to Houston; we settled in at the hotel, and we were off! That small group (honestly Beth's events are known to have upwards of 10,ooo+!!) met at the church Friday night and Saturday morning. Travis Cottrell leading worship and Beth Moore teaching - Now that is my idea of celebration!!

It was an amazing weekend of worship and learning at the feet of a true servant of God. We got to eat good food, have sweet girl time, laugh and cry together, meet many of our blogging friends face-to-face, and then to top it off for me, we had lunch before we left with Gina - truly one of my very dearest lifetime friends - and her sweet daughter Ashley. God truly blessed me with a wonderful weekend.

Now any of you who know us, know that Casey and I are Beth Moore groupies. SERIOUSLY. If she teaches it, we study it. If she recommends it, we try it. If she says it, we listen. If she invites us, we go! And we, of course, made sure that we were at the church early to be able to get a great seat. And we did!! Up close and personal with one whom I consider to be one of the most annointed teachers of our time. I mean that genuinely. She can bring the Word of God to life like few others can.

BUT - Friday night, during the event and even later as I tried to sleep I felt a certain uneasiness. I couldn't figure it out, but I couldn't seem to shake it. I woke up before 5 a.m. and as I lay there in the stillness and the quiet, I began to pray and ask God to reveal Himself to me so that I could understand what this nagging unrest was. He did. And it was so obvious. And it was so convicting. And it was so good. I needed it. IT was perspective. IT was priority. IT was this question posed by my God,

"So, how many of those women, including you, who are so quick to line up early and rush through the doors to see my servant are as quick to rush to sit at My feet?" Then He got really personal, "How many days do you literally drag yourself to your quiet place for an audience, not of 500 to 1, but 1 on 1, with Me - God Almighty, Lord of ALL?"

Ouch. That hurt. Actually it broke my heart. I confessed my sin before my God and arose that day forgiven and ready to start afresh, but the question continues to follow me. Honestly, any eyes that fall on these words, I hope it rattles YOU, too. We are so excited about so many things we go to see, people we hear, events we attend, and yet, our time with Him is often last on the list and often undone. Or even when done, as part of our 'routine' or done in a rush or half-heartedly. Never doubt, sweet one, that although He is unseen, He remains greater, more vast, and more powerful than anything that IS seen. My prayer tonight is that He would simply blow our minds with the overwhelming knowing of HIM - The Great I AM. Creator, Sustainer, Redeemer - HE IS EVERYTHING. Let's rush to Him. To await what He will tell us, to sit in His presence, to feel His good pleasure. Come running, sweet one. He is waiting with arms wide open!

Eternal...but not yet

2009-12-29T22:45:00.003-06:00

So what do we do with this eternity that our hearts are set on while we live in a decaying world which is anything but eternal? Over the course of the last couple of months, I've been forced to take that question off the shelf where I prefer to keep it.

So many losses recently. I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death up close and personal with a dear family who lost a very healthy man just shy of his 50th birthday. Lyndon was my friend. His wife, Kim, is a close friend. His daughters Angela and Alisha both came through our youth group from the 6th grade to the 12th. My bond with Alisha is special. I've always considered her my 3rd daughter. She and Chelsea have been the best of friends - with all the ins and outs of that- since they were like 11 years old. Lyndon was a runner. His goal was a marathon. He collapsed and died after he had completed his first 20 mile run. The doctors say the running prolonged his life by many years. Kim and Lyndon were just finding the joy of an empty nest which leads to rediscovery. His first grandson, Kooper, just 8 months old, loved his PaPa...and was adored by Lyndon. So I just have to ask, "Lord, what in the world?"

Then just a couple of weeks ago, a dear friend of my niece, a young woman who kept my own child many times, a young woman I had watched grow up - was found dead in her home. 34 years old. Paige had a way of spreading love and joy like few people I know. Truly. So I just have to ask, "Lord, what in the world?"

Today, a young man, 20 years old who grew up with and graduated with Chelsea was shot and killed today. I'm sure we will find out more of how and why this happened, but as I ponder the heartbreak of his parents, I just have to ask, "Lord, what in the world?"

So once again, I take the question off the shelf, dust it off, and ask, "What do we do with an eternity that has yet to come? What do we do with the fact that we live in mortal bodies with mortal endings - sometimes tragic endings? How, Lord, do we face tomorrow and accomplish the tasks you set before us when all we want to do is hold those close to us and not let them go? How do we continue life when pain cripples us and grief swallows us whole?"

I don't know the answers yet. I may never know until it is answered in completion - my eternal completion. But I do know that He promises that He will walk us through it. I do know that His Word says to lift our eyes up to the One from whom our help will come. I do know that Jesus tells us that the Holy Spirit will bring greater comfort than even the Son could bring. I do know that we can hide in the shadow of His wings. I do know that when we arrive we will KNOW the ones who have gone before us. I do know that there is no pain or sorrow and that Jesus Himself will dry our tears.

And I do know that this pain we feel is not foreign to our Savior. That's why He came. So He could be our Great Priest because of the depth of His understanding of our feelings, flaws and flailings. So He could feel everything that you and I feel. Remember the shortest verse in Scripture? "Jesus wept." That is in reference to the loss of His friend Lazarus and said right before He raised him back to life.

Hmm. The One who sees-and controls- the imminent resurrection also feels the horrid, consuming power of grief. Praise God. He knows and feels. And He loves us enough that He wants us to have hope beyond the grief. That's why He came. So that when we ask, "Lord, what in the world?" He can answer - This isn't our eternity. Don't look for it here. We are eternal...but not yet. If that weren't the case, then, well, He wouldn't have had to come. And we would never have the hope of eternity with Him and the privilege and the hope of Him being our answer - truly our all in all - in our now - our hurt, our horror, our loss.

These are a few of my favorite things...

2009-12-04T14:04:00.003-06:00

So what is your favorite Christmas tradition?

"Going" shopping...like "2 hour road trip to the closest huge malls" shopping.

Baking everyone's favorite cookies.

Decorating the tree.

Christmas Eve service.

Opening one gift on Christmas Eve.

Listening to ALL my Christmas music.

My list is pretty endless...But truly my all-time favorite right now would be having both the girls and Jimmy and I at home on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning together. I know that with Chelsea being almost 21, I have to cherish these years.

So flit over to this link and share your favorite tradition...and you might just win a $100 Visa gift card!

http://thebigmamablog.com/reviews/comment-page-12/#comment-55428

ALWAYS ask for a window seat...

2009-10-03T18:25:00.003-05:00

Lately I have been struggling with some things. And I have a confession. The longer I struggle with the issue the more susceptible I am to doubt. I KNOW God loves me and wants what is best for me. I KNOW God is always with me through every battle. I KNOW God forgives me for the messes I create. I KNOW God is willing to help me out of those same messes. I KNOW God is big enough to do whatever it takes to save me from the situation. But when He doesn't do it in the way or timing that I am looking for, I must admit, I begin to question those things. Thankfully, as soon as the doubt comes, I usually am very successful in refuting it, but still the doubts will sneak up sometimes. Anyone else know what I mean?

So last week I was travelling. Flew to San Antonio for a board meeting and a legal conference. Two very good, very productive days. Thursday I arrived at the airport and was so looking forward to coming home. I double checked to see if there were any earlier flights to DFW, and there were, but I still couldn't get from DFW to Wichita Falls any earlier, so I told the nice lady nevermind. I would just stay there and get some work done while I waited the extra hour. San Antonio's airport has free wi-fi and some lovely white rocking chairs to work from, so I figured I would be more comfortable there. And sure enough, I spent the next hour or so doing some work!!

About 15 minutes prior to boarding time, I made my way to the gate. I was in group 6 so would be boarding among the last. I became a little concerned when they abruptly shut the door halfway through boarding. Within a few minutes, they announced that DFW had severe weather coming in and had shut down all incoming and outgoing flights, but that all should be clear in about an hour. I figured if that held true then I would be fine to catch my connecting flight. An hour later, DFW was still closed. Having gone through something similar that would have caused me to have to stay a night in Dallas with no luggage just a few months ago, I called and rented a car at DFW. I knew if I could just get to Dallas I could get home one way or another! We eventually boarded the plane about an hour and a half late. Of course, we were all being assured that because the whole airport was shut down, making our connecting flights would be no problem. More on that later...

NOW to the real point of this post...Once we were in the air, I, in my window seat began reading my magazine, but I caught a glimpse of light out of the corner of my eye. I realized that I was no where near the wing, so I turned my head and...I began to watch the MOST spectacular thing I have EVER seen in my life. We were flying north, and as I looked out the window, I was looking east at that severe weather that had just passed through the Dallas area. It stretched as far to the north and south as I could see. A huge billowing mass of clouds - that was lit up in some form or fashion, literally the WHOLE hour flight. It was almost like watching twinkling lights on a Christmas tree. The lightening would flash deep in the clouds, on the outer edge, with strikes or with a dancing glow. But there was never complete darkness in that expanse. I was completely mesmerized by the show. I glanced down and again was amazed. I saw what appeared to be a blanket of cotton balls beneath us. I've never seen clouds like that...not the huge billowing kind, but the very small puffy type. It looked as if someone was opening a huge bag; it ripped, and all the cotton balls spilled out. I kept watching the light show and would glance down every now and then. I then realized that the sky was bright above the storm. I looked up. Against the deepest midnight blue sky was a huge gibbous moon. Almost perfectly full. Stunning. Beautiful moon, flashing storm, cotton ball blanket. Then the clouds below parted and I saw the lights, the buildings, the traffic of a city. As we began our descent, the tears began their descent. I didn't even care who saw. I thought, "Oh, please, just ask me why I'm crying. I need to tell someone of this incredible God who loves me so dearly." My God who says, "Look at this storm, closer to My perspective than you have ever been, sweet child. Now look below at the coming and goings of man and know this: I know the very number of hairs on every head of those below you. I created that moon, that storm and those clouds, and I created you, My beloved child. I'm big enough, darlin'. I'm big enough."

So when we landed, we had to wait for our turn to get to the gate. As we waited, I called and discovered that my connecting flight had already left. No worries, I explained. I'm sure the lady on the phone was baffled by my cheerful mood. I told her I had a car. After I hung up, I realized I should have told her that the time I had just had with the Most High was worth way more than a missed flight. I hope He inconveniences me again. I want to see Him out the window again.

Stop the roar

2009-09-24T19:49:00.007-05:00

I have a dear friend who seems to be battling the great deceiver in a fierce way. Why is it so hard to believe that we are forgiven and His beloved? Perhaps it is because we become so battle-weary. Perhaps it is because the roaring lion that seeks to devour us is ROARING. Ever heard a lion roar? I remember last year when we were at the zoo. We were on the other side of that large acreage and could distinctly hear the lions roaring. But whether he is whispering lies of guilt and shame or roaring a reminder of our failures, he is persistent...and he is a liar...the father of all lies...in him there is NO truth. But there is One who IS truth. Not a lofty idea or principle to live by...but TRUTH. Living, breathing TRUTH! So for my sweet friend...here is some Truth.

The same God Almighty who created the heavens and the earth, all that is seen and all that is unseen, created you - in His image. Amazing, huh? He knows that Satan is dogging your steps and using others in his scheme. He knows that you feel left behind and vulnerable. He knows that you are sad, bewildered and overwhelmed. You see, sweet friend, He gave you that heart that has been broken by others because you so freely give it away. So He is NOT overwhelmed or surprised. In fact, there is good news - He stands at the ready. Psalm 147:3 tells us, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." He wants to heal you, encourage you, LOVE on you. Crawl up in His lap. Cry out for His love, His forgiveness, and His healing. Feel it wash over you. You are His beloved. The apple of His eye. His favorite.

Satan is lying to you. He is telling you that you have failed your children. Push the restart button and listen to our Jesus; The One and Only; The Living Word of God:

"But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him,
and His righteousness with their children's children." Psalm 103:17

Tomorrow is a new day to start over leaving a legacy of faith for your children. He will count it as righteousness!!! That is the only 'score' He keeps. Every time we exercise a little faith and step out in obedience, He counts it as our righteousness.

And as out of control as things seem, He assures us that we are never out of His care. And He is just waiting to come in and rescue you. 2 Chronicles 16:9 says, "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him."

And finally, I want you to listen to these words:

Zephaniah 3:17 promises, "The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."

Wow. Do you hear Him? Be still, darlin'. Listen. He sings over YOU!

Now THAT is some truth that will shut the mouth of the lion.

And so it begins...where did I leave my galoshes???

2009-08-25T22:48:00.005-05:00

Today was the first of at least a bajillion...no, make that two bajillion after-school practices for McKenna. She started the 7th grade yesterday and so volleyball practice follows shortly after!!

I can't even believe it. My baby is 12...oh, and the late bloomer...she may be blossoming. Suddenly it is important to fix hair and make up. Honestly, I don't know how I feel about that. Excited - my baby girl is growing up!! Sad - My baby girl is growing up!! Worried - My baby girl is growing up!!

Amazing how one small sliver of time can bring out a tidal wave of emotion. Like the day she was born, her infancy, preschool, her first day of kindergarten, her salvation and baptism... I think God gives us such capacity for emotion because He knows full well that the world will offer us an inadequate umbrella which of course blows broken, to deal with such a tidal wave. He knows that the tidal wave we deal with when viewed in succession with the other tidal waves of life actually equal a tsunami. And the world offers us a little piece of plastic held on a stick with spokes...oh, and by the way...that umbrella of the world...ummm...yea, a lightening rod.

And yet, He steps in and calls it all, "Good," and works it all to our good, and as if that weren't enough He offers us a peace and calm regardless of the 'storm'. And, boy, are there variations of a storm in this thing we do called life. The somewhat eerie, haunting, yet welcome snow storm...like those times when we just want to 'hole up' somewhere, find a warm place and not venture out - makes me think of when I brought my girls home from the hospital...sweet and a little scary. The raging thunderstorm of lightning, torrential rain and wind...like those times of raising a teenager when you are sure the storm has snatched your kid away and has swept a stranger into their bedroom!! The ravaging hurricanes and tornadoes when things are ripped from the fabric of your life...a divorce, a death, a defining detrimental decision. And yes, even in the sweet soothing showers of light rain followed by the rainbow...the kind that makes certain 'flowers' bloom like a beautiful, innocent child coming into her own...Yes, we need some peace that He offers...or at least I do, because I know that the first of two bajillion moments will literally blow by so quickly like the leaves in a sharp autumn wind that I will wish I had reached out and snatched a few from the air just to hold in my hands, examine and, well, cherish for a while. Because with Him, I can see it all as 'good'.

Sappy Girl

2009-08-01T10:15:00.003-05:00

I always tease my sister, Kitty, that she cries too easily, but honestly, since I tried to learn as much as possible from her, she taught me well. *grin* I am a sap. Genuinely, I love anything that tugs at my heartstrings. I love shows like Extreme Home Makeover and chick flicks with a happy-ending. I know that many of my friends feel the same way, so I am here today to offer you something sweet and tender. Mull this over. Let it pull at your heartstrings. Take it as your own.

"I am my beloved's. His desire is toward's me. " Song of Solomon 7:10

Or try this one out of The Message:

"I am my lover's. I am all that He wants. I'm all the world to Him."

This is something meant just for you from the heart of a God that adores you. I don't know about you, but I am so much like the heroine in some of my favorite movies. Prone to mistakes, jumping to conclusions, believing the worst while hoping for the best. So I know that I don't deserve the incredible love of our Savior, but I am so incredibly grateful for it. I love that the story has the happiest of all endings. Even if you aren't a sap like me, you can appreciate that!

He is crazy about you and wants the very best for you. You- the individual. You- the person. Not just 'you' the masses. Take this personally. Bask in His love today.

I just haven't...but I'm gonna.

2009-07-14T16:16:00.004-05:00

So it is half way through the summer and not one post from yours truly. And it's not like there haven't been some very eventful, cool things to write about...I just havent'.

I just haven't. Now there is a statement that unfortunately I have used far too much of late. I just haven't...blogged. I just haven't...cleaned my house. I just haven't...cleaned out my closet, under the bed, etc...all those summer projects that need to be done. But none of those, "I just haven't" statements/non-actions are as profound as this confession.

I just haven't been spending time with Him. There. I confessed it. I'm not proud of it, nor am I happy about it. It's just truth. It is just plain ol' ugly truth. And you know what else? Because it is true, I also have become more plain ol' ugly as a result. BUT, today is a new day...actually last night was a new night. I spent time...I mean real time, not the few minutes of prayer before I get up and before I go to sleep. I mean real awake time...in His Word, WITH Him. And you know what else? I think I was a little prettier today as a result. I know I felt better.

So, now...I'm off here...for more of Him.

My Brief Attempt at Survivor

2009-05-16T20:14:00.002-05:00

Today, our church had a ladies' tea. The weather was very cool, cloudy and drizzly, but still a great day for time with sweet sisters! My sweet friend Casey picked me up, and of course, I was rushing, so I yelled bye to my sweetie, and ran out the door. As soon as I got to the Tea, I realized that I didn't have my cell phone, but that was no big deal. I didn't figure anyone was going to need me. The tea was so fun and inspirational. Sweet singing and a lovely speaker.

So as we arrive back at my house I realize my guy has left and I don't have my keys...'cause they were sitting right by the front door where I left them as I ran out. I told Casey it wasn't any big deal 'cause the spare key was in the storage building and I could just walk around there and get it. She offered to wait, but I said, "Don't be silly. I'll be fine."

You see where this is going, right?

As I enter the backyard, I realize there is a huge lock on the door of the storage building. I really wanted to be mad at my husband, but seriously, HE didn't leave my keys and phone in the house!!!! So then I start trying to figure out what to do. Option 1: Go to a neighbor's house, borrow the phone, call Chelsea and/or Jimmy. Option 2 - Call Casey to come back and get me. Option 3 - Wait for someone to come home.

Now here is the problem with Option 1 - typically when those two see a number they don't know they don't always answer. Actually, Jimmy will answer more often than Chelsea. She absolutely never answers a number she doesn't know. So if that occurred, I would be at a neighbor's house who, because they are kind, would insist on me just waiting at their house. So then I would have ruined their Saturday afternoon because they would have felt all obligated to entertain me until someone came to my rescue. Plus, depending on which neighbor was home (Is anyone ever home on Saturday afternoon? I mean really - probably not.), it could have been that real awkward weird thing of trying to make conversation in a forced situation.

The problem with option 2 is similar to the ruination issue with option 1 - I didn't want Casey and her crew to have to change their plans to accommodate her goofy friend.

So Option 3 was left. Now being resourceful and all, the first thing I tried was getting into my car, but of course, I was diligent and locked it last night. Sooo....now what? I walked around the yard for a minute feeling a little like Pooh when he would tap his head and say, "Think. Think. Think." Now mind you I was so smart to wear closed toed cute little flats to the tea, but had worn very stylish crops and a top with a short sleeved sweater over it so I was beginning to feel a little chilly. Now before you think, 'why not just sit at your patio table?' I will just remind you that it had been RAINING!!!! So all the chairs were very wet. Luckily the rain had stopped 'cause that might have pushed me right over the edge. So I thought, well, I guess I'll just have to go around in the front and sit on the front porch bench...looking like an idiot with my purse and umbrella. But then, SHAZAM!! I remembered there were the fold-up, in-a-bag, camping-kind of chairs in a big storage container thingy on the side of the house. When I opened up the lid - SHAZAM!!! - a blanket! Should I tell you that it was one we used for the dog...so it had hair and grass on it? Nah, that's too yuck to tell you.

So anyhoo...I set up my little chair and covered up with my blanket and waited. Then, SHAZAM!! I realized I had my Scripture cards in my purse. So Jesus and I sat on my back patio and He wrote His Word on my heart for a while - LIKE AN HOUR!!! Only problem - I think He was warm. I wasn't.

So, then I remembered that I could actually break into my minivan, aka. The Mom-Mobile. You see the side doors will open even if it's locked but it sets the alarm off (useful locks, huh?). Hmmm...the alarm would go off. I decided I didn't care. So that's what I did. I walked around to the drivers' side, and dadgum it!!! That door won't open. I was a little disgusted, but I decided to try the other door. I walked around to the passenger's side, pulled on the door, and YIPPEE - THE HORN STARTED HONKING...REALLY LOUDLY...but the door was open!!! I reached up and unlocked the front door, then reached in and across to unlock the driver's door. I closed the back door, and the alarm went off.

I went back into the back yard to clean up my campground and then went back to the van. I reached and opened the door. THE HORN STARTED HONKING!!! LOUDLY!!!!- AGAIN!!! So I jumped in and tried several things to get it to stop. Nothing I did worked, but eventually it stopped on its own. Now earlier in the week, I had worn some cute little shoes that required socks, but took my sandals for later in the day. SHAZAM!!! My socks were still in the van. Oh, my feet were soooo happy when I slid them on.

At this point we are an hour and a half into my adventure. I am looking around thinking how nice it was to be out of the wind and how dirty my van is on the inside when SHAZAM!!! Didn't McKenna ask me if I had gotten her phone out of the back seat? NO I HAD NOT!!!! I climbed to the back, and when I looked and saw that sweet little blue piece of technological heaven, I think I heard the Hallelujah Chorus!!! Now, this little phone is of the pre-paid variety as we let McKenna develop and demonstrate her responsibility - she only had 12 cents left. One minute is 20 cents, but you know what? SHAZAM!! I have a debit card!! I reloaded the phone, called Chelsea and waited...Oh, and I asked Chelsea to come through the house and get my keys so that she could not only let me in my house but she could also let me out of my car - by unlocking it so the alarm wouldn't go off.

I'm not trying out for Survivor. My backyard was tough enough.

By the way, did I mention that last Sunday morning, McKenna and I rushed out of the house to get to church and as I shut the door, I heard the click and realized...yep, I locked my keys in the house. Luckily I had a phone that time. Do you see a pattern developing? I hope not. 'Cause if each incident is successively worse...I could end up locked out again...no keys...no phone...no clothes.

Oh, Lord, save me from myself.

In Honor of My Friend

2009-04-27T16:43:00.006-05:00

I have a beautiful friend. Her name is Casey. Last week she had a birthday, but tonight was her suprise birthday party that I had to miss. Can I just say how much it stinks that I can't be in multiple places at the same time? McKenna had a volleyball game that I watched most of and then had to leave to rush back to be able to conduct the installation of officers for a local women's study club, Clarion Club. Don't be too impressed. I install officers using play tiaras and candy. Nothing hoity-toity about it. And I did have a lovely time with those sweet ladies - a great time actually.

BUT I MISSED ONE OF MY VERY BEST BUD'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES!!! A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY!! I'm whining. I know. BUT CASEY IS MY VERY PRECIOUS AND SWEET FRIEND!!! Okay, I'm through...maybe.

So let me tell you about my friend, Casey. She is impressive, ya'll. She has three little boys- and I'm talkin' ALL BOY boys. They are stair steps really. Adorable, funny, and unique little guys, they are. And she has her Big Guy, too. So much testosterone. It just doesn't quite seem fair. So I try to make sure she knows that she is a Princess and that I will do my best to give her some good girly fun anytime she might want it.

And the girl is cute. I mean caaaaute! She did this whole weight watchers thing and she has already reached her goal. She worked really hard, but seriously in my opinion, she didn't have far to go...'cause did I tell ya'll...the girl is caaaaute! And she runs...seriously, she RUNS, people. She is committed and very goal oriented. Probably why she is so caaaaute, right? Stinkin' cute, actually.

Casey also has a sense of humor like few women I know. That's why she is my friend. I can be warped with her and she doesn't mind...or she loves me enough in Jesus not to tell me that she minds. She really makes me laugh, too. A lot. That's important in a friend, don't you think?

Another thing I love about my friend Casey is that she is like this multi-talented chick, ya know. Like she can cook and scrapbook and make all these cute things with scissors and paper and glue. I use those things and all I make are messes. See, I told you she impresses me.

Here is another thing she does very well that I don't...organize. See for every Bible study that I teach, Casey comes along side me and makes sure we have books, a place to meet, the announcements made, notices in the bulletins, all of those CRITICAL things that I tend to forget. I just want to talk. She makes sure I have someone to talk to. She may do it just so she won't have to listen to me all the time. She needs some other women to share her burden!

You know what my favorite thing about Casey is, though? She loves Jesus. I mean really loves Him. Enough to sacrifice for Him, enough to serve Him, enough to make sure her little boys know Him, enough to teach junior high girls Sunday School class (eek!!), enough to submit to and respect her man instead of choking him-while still stating her opinion very articulately! And she loves Him enough to be an adventurer, too. I just found out that she will be hosting 22 junior high girls for D-Now this weekend. Wow!!

But now do you know what my favorite of the favorite things about her is? She loves Him enough to know all my junk and love me anyway. She knows my garbage and doesn't think I stink because of it. . She even wrote me a note recently saying that she had learned so much from me. That made me cry. It stunned me. I cried. It humbled me. Oh, and did I mention she made me cry?

And she even shares her garbage with me. 'Cause it's safe for her to do that. Ya know why? 'Cause I love that girl!!!! That's all. I just love Casey Cody. Because...she is my friend. My real, true friend.

"Friends love through all kinds of weather." Proverbs 17:17a The Message

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

2009-03-24T21:56:00.003-05:00

Tonight was session 9 of our Esther study. Our last one. I'm bummed. But blessed.

This has been one of the BEST Bible studies I've ever been a part of, let alone led. I have grown so attached to my sweet sisters in this study. Beth Moore of course, taught us tons, but I think the emphasis on all things woman-dom just made the learning that much richer. And the fact that I actually exercised my gift-giving love language. I had such a blast finding small girly treats for my ladies.

And we had such a wide range of women in this group - several who had never done an in-depth study with us. Soooo fun to have people who haven't heard all my stories. We had an 80 year old still married. Several 60ish and 70ish - some married, some widowed. We had some 40ish and 50ish, married and divorced. We had some 20ish and 30ish still raising sweet little ones - or waiting for them to come. We even had a barely 20 year old - my first precious girl who came through my high school Sunday school class to do one of our 'big girl' studies - I can't even tell you what that meant to me. SO PRECIOUS to have time with her in the Word again. Thank you, Shelby, for being a part. We had some ladies who know more about the Word than I will likely ever learn in my lifetime, so for them to put up with me is an amazing little miracle in itself. That is truly humbling. As is having my older sister who is my hero be a part of the group.

It has been an incredible ride. As part of the study, Beth referenced Ecclesiastes 3:11 - The first part about "He has made everything beautiful in its time." But the verse goes on to say, "He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." I thought the second part of the verse was very appropriate for tonight. Because eternity is set in my heart, it doesn't like goodbyes. Actually avoids them. Not good at them at all...turns into the ugly cry pretty fast. So tonight that is what happened. I struggled with the goodbye of it. How I love feasting on the Bread of Life...and how I hate when the party ends.

The good news? The last part of the verse - we still can't fathom what God is going to do with this investment. And We WILL be doing something else together...Can't wait to see what He has in store for us.

Ahhhhhh....spa day

2009-03-19T21:36:00.002-05:00

Today was a wonderful day for me. Last fall, my staff gave me money and a ticket to Christmas Magic, which resulted in a gift certificate for some spa treatments. So today, I had a 30 minute massage, a 30 minute facial, a pedicure, a deep conditioning treatment for my hair and a style (the package came with a partial highlight and a cut, but seriously, I don't want anyone's concoctions or scissors except Diana's touching my hair.) Honestly, the massage worked out all the knots in my shoulders, where there are always many and the facial was probably one of the gentlest, most relaxing I have ever had.

I could go on, but I'm too relaxed to keep typing. I'm going to bed.

They've migrated...

2009-03-17T08:33:00.005-05:00

Through an unexpected turn of events, I am currently listening to four very silly girls laugh, discuss, and argue (just a bit) while they play Apples to Apples. We are celebrating McKenna's birthday which was actually last Wednesday, but spring break offered the perfect opportunity for a sleepover. The only problem - it wasn't supposed to be HERE!!! My sister had planned the party and all the girls were supposed to be at her house. However, on Sunday, she stepped off the porch and broke her ankle. Coward...I think she did it on purpose. (Just kidding. But I must admit my suspicion. She has never been much on large crowds of kids.)

So anyhoo...she had a little day of fun scheduled for them. A trip to the local salon for finger and toe nail painting, getting their hair done and a little make-up applied. So we did that yesterday afternoon. Great fun! Then we came back to my house and they have sufficiently enternained themselves without anyone getting their feelings hurt, nothing being broken, no major arguments, and not even any tv/dvd watching (which I even rented some dvds for...just in case).

We have two 6th graders, a 5th grader, and a 4th grader. They are all sweet girls and so far...so good.

As for McKenna ~ she is a puzzle for me. She is so different from her sister, and honestly, from so many 'little' girls I have watched grow up. I think what makes it so unusual is her maintenance of her innocence. She is now 12 years old and in junior high in a small town. Tough age - usually the age where you really aren't happy with just being that age - you know, where they really want to be older, and certainly don't want anything to do with anything associated with 'little girl'. McKenna, however, seems to be pretty happy being 12. She doesn't ask or seek to do, act, or dress, like older girls. There are things she wants to do that are age appropriate, and then there are things that she really doesn't mind being seen as a 'little' girl. I thought yesterday as I watched two girls - 8th graders- come into the salon to tan, "I wonder how many of her 6th grade friends would die before being seen as 'playing' with the hair and make-up party." Certainly not all of them, put several names came to mind of girls who would either make fun of it or wouldn't be caught dead doing it. It really makes me sad. Girls are pushed to grow up so quickly...and not in very healthy ways.

So today, as I hear my "baby" - who isn't really a baby!- laugh and giggle with her friends - with a laugh that is incredibly contagious. Hurray for her. And hurray for all the young ladies who are like her - okay with just being the age they are.

God's Providence :)

2009-03-10T21:47:00.002-05:00

This is too cool. Seriously.

Okay, bear with me while I set the stage. We are in the middle of the Esther Bible study written and led by Beth Moore - Thank You, Father, for a teacher who GETS You and GETS women. What a blessing she is as Your vessel. This study really is a study in the amazing providence of God and, in Beth's words, 'some mighty good theology' of knowing God's presence is always with us even when we can't see Him or feel Him. We got a little taste of that tonight.

As the facilitator, I have been trying to come up with little gifts that tie in to the study for our ladies -things that have to do with parties or entertaining, beauty treatments, just girly-girl things. Like candles (who ever has a party without lighting candles!!), bracelets, picture clips with a star (one of the Hebrew meanings for Esther), etc... I bought padded hangers to give them, but have literally hauled them in 3 - count 'em THREE times - only to forget to give them to them. I get way too caught up in the whole Bible study thing! :)

One of the things the study has used as a central theme is focusing on scenarios that complete the statement, "It's tough being a woman..." and then the blank gets filled in with different situations where it can be really tough being a woman.

Okay - now stay with me- the good part is coming.

Today is March 10. It is Purim on the Jewish calendar - which is the celebration of the 'reversal of destiny' experienced by the Jews when Esther's actions saved them from complete annihilation. So I thought that was cool- to be studying the event while it really is occuring - but...GET THIS - Tonight was session 7 of the series - the night when Beth starts teaching us the way our Sovereign God reverses all of those "It's tough being a woman" scenarios for us!!!! SOOO...we are studying our own reversals during this celebration of Purim - Don't tell me we aren't God's adopted children!

AND as if that weren't enough, someone pointed out that they were given lovely, perfumed, padded hangers on the night we talked about Haman's hanging!! I know, it is one of those things that your thinking, "I guess you just had to be there." And you may be right, 'cause those precious ladies and I got a big ol' kick out of those little kisses from God tonight!!! We just giggled and oohhed and aahhed Him!!!

His timing - ALWAYS right!!

Youth Sunday

2009-03-06T21:19:00.003-06:00

I've been waiting to post this because I was supposed to get some pictures sent to me that I wanted to post with it. 'Cause the last thing I was thinking about was pictures or a camera!!!..but no pics, delayed post, yadda-yadda.

I'm pushing on.

Sunday morning was an amazing day for our kids. We had one of our guys read a beutiful piece of scripture out of Psalms then pray. Another young man did the welcome. The guys leading praise and worship were awesome. And our sweet girls who had practiced so long for creative movement NAILED IT!!! We even had several of our guys act as usher and they didn't even drop the offering plates or anything!! :)

Then, sweet Zack took the pulpit and delivered a message. He was funny, charming, humble, and I must say brave. It's tough to get up in front of people and speak...let alone be a junior in high school and get up in front of your church on a Sunday morning...with a full house I might add. They even had to bring in extra chairs. Zack did a fabulous job.

Then my precious boy, Corbin, got up and did announcements. He cracks me up! He even announced the birth of his second cousin, but just introduced him by name and said, "I know he's a relative, but I don't really know what he is to me." Perfect.

All in all, the kids did a great job, but more than anything, God was awesome!
Congratulations to a great group of kids, and to God be the glory!!

And now, we get ready for Spiritual Preparation Weekend starting tomorrow night. And just wait until Sunday morning. My guy is going to sing a very special song. Can't wait!!

Eavesdropping...again

2009-02-27T19:49:00.003-06:00

I'm sitting in my bedroom listening to my husband in the next room with some of the guys from the youth group. They have been practicing for our first Sunday MORNING youth service. We've always done Sunday night. Our creative movement praise team, For His Glory, will be doing two routines, our kids are leading worship, serving as ushers, praying, and reading scripture. And one of our precious young men, Zack, will be bringing the message. AND one of my favorite funny guys, Corbin, is doing the announcement. This is usually what Jimmy does at the end of the service, so I am thinking we may be about to see a great Saturday Night Live skit based on my husband!! If you read this, please PRAY for Sunday morning's service!

The three guys that are here are playing guitar and singing. I must admit I love to hear my guy sing even if it is with other people and through the closed door. I've always loved to here him sing. And I've always loved to hear him with the kids. I hear him talking now...teaching. Not really meaning to, but he is. 'Cause he is talking...anyone who knows him is probably laughing and thinking, "no kidding?" The boy CAN talk. I will never be one of those women who complain about a husband who doesn't ever communicate. And I'm so glad. I LOVE my guy.

Guitars - a few hundred dollars-
Chips & drinks - a few bucks
Listening to him invest Jesus in some kids - priceless.

On her 20th birthday...

2009-02-22T20:50:00.002-06:00

My precious Chelsea is turning 20 in a couple of days. AMAZING. Both because the time has flown and because she simply is...amazing that is. I was beyond thrilled when I found out I was pregnant, and I must say it has been thrilling ever since. Not always easy or joyful, but definitely thrilling! So this entry is really for her - in her honor and to make sure she has all of this written down in some form!

Pregnancy was easy and exciting except for the morning sickness which was actually morning, noon and night nausea, but no throwing up. I've actually probably never felt better than when I was pregnant with Chelsea. Although it was during that time that I found out what heart burn was- I thought I was having some sort of attack, like maybe of the heart. Oh so young and dumb - Y&D syndrome.

When she finally came it took a little over 17 hours for her to make her actual arrival...two weeks early. I'll never forget the moment they laid her on my stomach and in all my vanity, through the tears I said, "Oh, Chelsea, you have hair!!" It has been a dominant topic in our conversations ever since. Along with all things girly. What fun to have a daughter. (Before you think me too shallow with her hair being the first thing noticed, remember that I had seen a sonogram showing all her fingers and toes, so I didn't need to count.)

And how wise of God to give me girls. I don't know what I would have done with a boy. I have had a BLAST being their mom!! As for her 'growing up years', in many ways Chels and I were sort of on our own. Her dad and I were married, but he was gone - a lot- so she and I spent so much time together. She was a beautiful, funny, and bright child. For example...Chelsea was 7 when I finally got pregnant with McKenna. One day she walks in as I'm getting dressed - this is late in the pregancy and I'm wearing one of those oh-so-feminine-NOT maternity bras. She wrinkles up her face and asks, "Why are you wearing THAT?" As I start to explain, she pipes in and fills in the blanks about making milk for the baby, boobies get bigger, yadda, yadda. Then she looks up at me and says, in all seriousness. "But, Mom. Your boobies didn't need to get ANY bigger." Thanks, kid. This would be the same child who when being potty-trained busted into the bathroom as I was getting out of the shower. Sitting on the potty, she looks up at me and says, "Hey, mommy. Your boobies are big. Big as your head." Sweet darlin' child. Ugh. I'm sure it was a perspective thing. She was sitting; I was standing. HAD to be perspective. Oh, whatever. She has learned a little tact since then, but don't ask her if you don't really want to know!!

Teen years were tough, as they are for so many, and even now, at 20, we have our moments. I think one of the primary problems is that when you devote yourself to loving in someone's best interest, it is tough to let them not always love themselves in their own best interest. In other words, letting life and their own choices bounce them around is tough to watch. It's one of the toughest things about being a mom. And although I watch my heart walk around outside of my body everyday in the form of two lovely daughters, I wouldn't take it back for anything. They are so worth it.

So as my oldest leaves the teen years behind, I am blessed to know that I did the best I could to lay a firm foundation...and on most days and in most ways, she is choosing to stand on it. She is fiesty, funny, oh-so fashionable, and above all she is my beloved first born. I can't wait to see what her life holds, and am fully prepared to celebrate it with her and walk the journey with her. It has been evident since her earliest years that God has a plan for her. What fun to watch it unfold and how humbly blessed I am to be her mom. Thank You, Sweet Jesus, for the privilege.

What's in a name?

2009-01-26T20:55:00.005-06:00

Okay, so I posted a couple of weeks ago about the great loss in our family...our sweet dog Gracie having to be put "to sleep"...I always think of Paul telling us not to be ignorant about those who are asleep...yea, he was referring to death, too.

Anyway, my guy has been looking for a new dog since not long after Gracie went to the big dog house in the sky...or whatever happens to precious rottweilers that think they are lap dogs. Now this has made me wonder what might happen if I ever went to sleep...ya know...like that. I mean he couldn't hardly walk through the backyard without Gracie there. So if it were me, would the kitchen be the tough place? But alas, I digress.

Okay, so he finds several rescue rotts that he is interested in. One is named Ogre...no I am not kidding. The next one he is interested in...Fiona. I mean seriously. Even McKenna made that face where you know she is thinking..."What kind of wierdo..." She even said, "So what's the deal with the whole Shrek themed dog names?" Must admit, I was wondering too.

So Fiona came for a weekend visit. I'm sure we will be keeping her. She is very sweet and submissive, but last night get this. I am sitting on our bed and she can see me from where she is sitting in the living room. She looks in there at me and starts growling. Seriously. And then tonight she wasn't really looking at anything and she starts growling. What in the world? I've decided it is her name. So we're changing it. Actually we decided to change it before the whole growling nuerosis showed up. But Fiona? Seriously, who names a dog Fiona. Not us. Nope, we now have Minnie Pearl. Seriously.

Popcorn

2009-01-19T21:45:00.003-06:00

No deep, passionate thoughts tonight. Just this. Jimmy burnt the popcorn. My whole house stinks. Ewwww. Stinky, smelly eeewwwwwww. Men should learn that the popcorn button on the microwave doesn't mean you can camp in the bathroom while it pops and expect it to come out perfect. Can I get an amen? God love him.

He showed up...again

2009-01-14T22:03:00.002-06:00

I am sooo sleepy and about to hit the hay, but I just had to share something. I'll try to keep it short! Tonight was a Wednesday night so, of course, we had The Edge (youth worship). Jimmy wasn't feeling so great so he asked me if I would look over his notes in case I needed to pinch hit for him. He came back just as we were starting the praise and worship time, but about half way through the last song interrupted me (ie. my eyes closed, hands raised, praising like crazy) to tell me he was stepping out of the room. So I sang the words with a new fervency:

"Your will above all else.
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
To bring you praise.

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Neverending
Your glory goes beyond all fame.

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord...

And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord, my soul cries out..."

I offered it as my prayer of surrender and asked Him to use me as His vessel.

Now my guy is very supportive of all that I do, but he doesn't sit and watch my Beth Moore video at home with me in preparation for our ladies' study and he definitely won't come to our actual group time! So imagine my shock when I flipped open his Bible, and see the title, "Where Is God?" WHOA. WWWHHHOOOAAA!!!! I had seen Beth's intro video for Esther twice now ~ where she teaches us about how important it is to know that God is there even when you can't feel Him. I stood up in front of almost 60 kids and said, "I feel Him here tonight." Then proceeded to explain with a quavering voice what I just told you. And thus, with NO preparation, I winged a 20 minute lesson on what to do when you can't find Him or feel Him, and how important it is for them to KNOW Him, not just settle for a relationship based on surface emotions ~ to know Him by the truth of His Word~His faithfulness, His promises, His enduring love. And so on...

Afterwards, several kids came to me and said how much they appreciated the lesson, how it spoke to them, etc...so...yea, I'm pretty much crying again 'cause I know that was all HIM. ALL HIM.

How good He is to us. How gracious. How loving. How cool. I don't ever want to get over Him. Be glorified, my sweet Savior.

Holy Smokes!!! - Literally

2009-01-13T22:34:00.004-06:00

Okay, God has just been stoking my fire about our new Bible Study group. We started the latest Beth Moore study on Esther tonight. I have just about been inside out over the deal the last few weeks - Holy Smokes from a Holy Fire!!! Well, tonight we FINALLY got to get our feet wet.

And what sweet feet we are wetting!!! We had such fun as we introduced ourselves. I asked them to share either what brought them to this study, their most cherished beauty tip, or a great party tip. FUN!!~and funny!

Such an incredible, diverse, precious group He gathered tonight - younger & older, veteran Bible Studiers & novice Bible Studiers, single & married & divorced & dating & engaged, moms with young children & moms with new grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but all Jesus seekers. WOW!!!! And I'm thinking we will have a few others join us next week. There was already such a sweet spirit of fellowship tonight. Can't wait to see what He does with this study and this group.

Beth shared in the intro that the study would, in part, be a study about our destinies. Our personal destinies. I began to ponder the idea of Esther and her destiny...and ours. At the end of the session, I had the ladies close their eyes and envision the most beautiful starry night sky they had ever seen. I reminded them of God's promise to Abraham about his descendants outnumbering the stars. Then I asked them to find the brightest one in the night sky they were seeing. I told them THAT star was them. They are the spiritual descendants of Abraham and reminded them of the incredible spiritual heritage they have as a result. I reminded them that as a star in God's sky, they not only have a heritage, they also have an incredible spiritual destiny as well. I am so excited that I get to observe their sweet destiny unfold for these next 10 weeks!

Those who might read this ~ please pray with us and for us!
BE HUGE, FATHER!!! BE HUGE!!!

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-01T23:04:00.005-06:00

Blessings to all eyes that might fall upon these words. As I type this, I pray - "Father, in Your infinite wisdom and omniscience, I pray that while I may not know exactly who might read this, or when, I do ask that because You do know, You will bless each one in the coming year with this simple request; one which I seek for myself. In finding our purpose, my Sweet Lord, I pray that love abounding will be the watermark of this year. Let us love You with abandon and each other with a love that looks like Yours. Becky, illustrated the perfect request, Lord, in her new calendar. Please, Father, more of You, less of me. In the MIGHTY name of our Jesus, Amen."

In Memory of a Sweet, Special Girl

2008-12-31T23:45:00.009-06:00

This is our Gracie. We found out a few weeks ago that she had cancer and wouldn't be with us much longer. We had to take her to the vet this morning before she began to really suffer.

Jimmy rescued her as a puppy and when he went through his divorce, I believe she rescued him right back. She was the biggest chihuahua ever! She wanted so badly to be a lap dog! As you can see...not happenin'! But she would just lean into you trying to get you to love on her. She was a sweetheart until the very end.

So if you read this, please say a prayer for us, especially my sweet Jimmy. He is having a hard time. We are drawing comfort in knowing that He cares about our hurts and that if He watches over the sparrow, then He surely must our beloved pets.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God." Luke 12:6 NIV

The words of two comedians seem to resonate...In the infamous words of Bob Hope, "Thanks for the memories," and in the infamous words of George Burns, "Say goodnight, Gracie."

Christmas Morn

2008-12-25T07:05:00.002-06:00

Shhh...everyone else is still sleeping, but I just had to say,

"Welcome, Christ child! Thank You for coming to a little manger made from wood that You created. Thank You for coming to a manger that would lead You to a cross - made from wood that You created. Thank You for leaving a throne where You heard the praises of angels crying, 'Holy, Holy, Holy' and coming to hear the oohs and aahs of some amazed shepherds. Thank You for coming as a sweet little baby so that You could become my conquering King.
Thank You for turning the darkness of this heart into a light to shine for You.
This heart is all I have to give You this Christmas morn. Thank You for saying it is enough. Please be blessed by my simple adoration. Give me a Mary heart in all situations - Luke 1:38 'Be it unto me according to Your word.'
And I ask you this morning for the peace and comfort that You came to give in double portion for those who have a new empty place at their Christmas celebration this year.
I praise You, Lord. 'For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.' Isaiah 9:6 I love that a child was born, but that the Son was given. You have always been and will forever be!! I kneel in humble awe of You. - Merry Christmas to my Christ. Amen"

Time passes, things change, children grow...but He hasn't

2008-12-23T23:53:00.006-06:00

A 20 year tradition is over. I've literally cried over this. I know I'm such a sap, but Santa has visited my house for 20 years!! I've been thinking that it was over, but I have new thought- more on that later.

So earlier I was throwing myself one world-class size pity party. Santa not coming. How can this be? He has come every Christmas for 20 years. (I know I'm so stinking old and my girls are too far apart, but hey, it wasn't MY plan!) So in the midst of my little meltdown of feeling sorry for myself, I started thinking about the whole reason we celebrate Christmas and then I felt very ashamed...So I began to talk to the Lord about my selfishness and sorry attitude and how horrible I was to have ever celebrated the season with anything other than Christ, but I didn't get very far. As we were talking, just the two of us in the Mom Mobile - I had one foot over the line into self-bashing mode- He helped me realize that it was OKAY to be sad about Santa- that it was okay to mourn the passing of childhood and the magic of it - and that I haven't pushed Him out of the season or the celebration. Before it was over, He had helped me to realize that He has become such a part of my everyday life that there is rarely ANYTHING that He does not have a major role in. WHOA! I mean seriously, WHOA!! This isn't the same girl of 24 trying to create magic for my little one. I know Truth and Truth has set me free. Pity turned to praise pretty darn quick. He is amazing. Truly the one who brings comfort in sorrow. He encouraged me and brought me the peace that He came to give so long ago. He is my great High Priest, and He is still my Emmanuel.

So as for Santa. Well, new traditions may start, but he is still coming to my house. Those who don't believe, won't receive! Simple as that. No more talk of him not being real. He may not be who McKenna and Chelsea thought he was, but the love and magic remains in the heart of the one who made that magic happen for them for all these years. And besides, my sweet Jesus told me it was okay. A little magic and a whole lot of praise - I think it is the perfect formula for a great Christmas!

2008-12-12T10:41:00.003-06:00

Christmas Survey -
I answered this on the Living Proof Ministry's blog the other day and thought I would repost here. Leave me a comment and answer the survey and then you can copy and paste it into your blog and see what your friends say. Kind of fun!

What is your...?
1. Preference in Christmas tree? Fresh or Fake?
Fresh is my preference, but fake is my reality
2. Favorite Ornament - this one is exceptionally hard for me - HUGE collection, and I have a new one from my sweet Siesta Malinda that I will forever love and cherish, but I think if I had to pick one it would be one of my newer ones - of Linus standing on the stage...push the button...he says, "lights, please." The light comes on the stage and he tells Charlie Brown what Christmas is all about.
3. Favorite Christmas Song - Easy one...My man singing the Dennis Jernigan song, "Hallelujah! Christ Is Born"...I think seeing him sing it in church was the first time I felt my heart in my throat over that guy! Crying over the reality of my Jesus and weak-kneed over my guy...honestly, does it get any better?
4. Favorite Tradition - Making the ugliest Christmas cookies you have ever seen with my girls. Delicious...but hideously ugly. What's up with all that dough spreading when you bake anyway? Or maybe opening one present on Christmas Eve...it is a tradition my mother always had with us. I can't wait to open a Heavenly present with her someday -what joy it will be!
5. Gift Received - too many to name...probably ALL of them the first year Jimmy and I were married. I had never had so many before...I felt VERY special!
6. Favorite Meal - Ham, Turkey, Dressing, Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potatoes, Cranberry sauce, Green-Bean casserole/Broccoli-Rice casserole Broccoli & Cauliflower salad..Oh, and the cranberry sauce...canned, please. Pleeaassee do NOT make me eat a real cranberry. ewwww...
7. Favorite Christmas Cookie - Those really ugly ones I mentioned.
8. Favorite Place to Be - Home on Christmas morning with the girls and Jimmy.
9. Favorite Christmas Memory - The magic in McKenna's face when she was younger and "heard" Santa and the reindeer on the roof, thanks to my nieces and Jimmy.
10. Favorite Christmas Movie - Tie-Elf for fun, Miracle on 34th Street (new one) for sentiment.

SHHHHH...It's a secret!!

2008-12-09T16:00:00.002-06:00

Here is the one big surprise I was able to pull off for my man this year. We have never done a picture with all of his girls, so we snuck off to do this. Within a week or two we found out our precious Gracie has cancer so our very sweet friend Toby came to our house, took some shots of her and cropped her in. And he captured McKenna perfectly!! Aren't my sweet girls pretty? I know I'm biased!!

The watermark is still on these proofs, but you get the idea.

Oh... and it was after we finished this shenanigan that the girls snuck back out to Toby's and had more done!!

I had him change the Scripture on this one to Ruth 1:16

Chelsea hates this one...Silly girl...she looks like a model!

Christmas Lies...we go way beyond secrets!!

2008-12-03T16:31:00.006-06:00

Is this picture not adorable? My girls at their silly, funny best!! But there is a story...

The other night I am quite sure I was trapped in a bad Abbott and Costello routine. I had to go to Wichita Falls to do a few errands, and so McKenna stayed with her sister. Good...I could continue the Wii hunt that I have been on. And quite by accident - VICTORY!!! I found one! I sent Chelsea a text and told her so we could both celebrate.

I had also picked up a cobbler to fix for my board meeting the next day, so when I picked McKenna up I said I needed to drop it off at the office. She immediately said, "I'll do it for you." Now I'm not saying my child is not sweet and helpful, but the thought of her wanting to unlock my office and walk into a dark building just didn't make a whole lot of sense. And then, "AHA" - I think to myself..."that little rat knows there is a Wii in the back of this van and she wants to get a look at it!!" So I immediately said that I would do it; that it was sooo cold and windy I didn't want her out in the night air with her cold. So then she asked, "Are you just going to take it straight to the kitchen and come right back out?" Yes, I assure her...then feeling somewhat remorseful for my previous bad thoughts, I added, "Are you afraid to stay out here by yourself?" She tells me she is a little, but that she'll be okay. She then asks for my cell phone...I assume to play games. Then, another "AHA" she wanted me to stay in the office for a second so she can get a glimpse in the back of the van before I come out.

Well...I'll just show her...I pick up the cobbler which I had slid into one of those giant freezer bags that you buy to keep things cold in...and then I picked up the bag with the Wii and hid it behind it then carried them both in. I was feeling pretty smug when I unlocked the door then hooked a right into my office instead of going straight to the kitchen. I drop the Wii just inside my door, then out of habit flip the light on, then head to the kitchen. McKenna in the meantime has seen my office light come on. When I walk back into my office to turn the light off I see four little pictures taped to my computer screen. Oh my goodness! Pictures of my girls! I get a little closer look, but then realize that she would see the light in my office and get suspicious. As I look toward the front door of the building, sure enough, I see her headed for the door. AAAGGGGHHHH!!! I have to get the Wii covered up!!!! So I hurry and go grab the freezer bag and throw that over the Wii. When she gets inside the door she made a comment about me seeing the picture so she was going to go ahead and give me one of my Christmas presents and takes me to my secretary's desk...who apparently had been in cahoots with the girls to give me a surprise...It just wasn't supposed to happen until the next morning....That is the picture posted above. She had been in a panic out in the van calling her sister in near hysterics because I was about to see the surprise. Tooo stinkin' funny, ya'll. Oh, and one other little tidbit...that picture was taken after the girls and I had snuck out to have pictures taken for Jimmy for Christmas. We had to lie then, too. See what I mean...we go way beyond secrets!

Needless to say I ADORE the picture! But between her trying to hide the picture and me trying to hide the Wii...Who's on first!?

Thanksgiving?

2008-11-27T20:43:00.001-06:00

Okay, I have a confession. I haven't been very thankful lately...and I've been in a pretty crummy mood. I could go into all the reasons why life has been a little stinky lately, but that really isn't the point. Honestly, I've done that enough. And that dirty dog, the devil, has been replaying it all for me again and again. Sorry sucker. He's been stealing my joy. No wonder Scripture calls him a thief and a liar.

So, this morning, Thanksgiving morn, I woke up and spent time being grateful to the Giver of all good gifts. First I confessed to my Sweet Savior that I have not been looking much like Him lately, especially on the inside...even if I tried to make the outside look and act right. I'm glad He sees that yucky stuff on the inside, too, though. I didn't have to worry about Him being surprised or shocked when I told Him what a jerk I've been lately. Not with what came out of my mouth, but with the running dialogue in my head.

Then, I thanked Him one by one for my sweet blessings.

For sisters- for Kitty, Penny and Amy - all unique, all special, all mine. And praise God, we are all still here. Seems we've suffered too much loss in our lives the last few years, so I thanked Him for keeping my dad, my step mom, my sisters and our families in tact for the holidays.

For jobs - I'm just grateful that Jimmy and I know that we will be getting paychecks. Not everyone has that assurance, so I prayed for those who don't.

For my country - I thanked Him for allowing me to live in a country where His Word can still be taught and for those who defend it. For young men like Cody Hanson and Mike Brown and the countless others like them who sacrifice their Thanksgiving with family so that we can all celebrate our blessings and our freedom, and so that others might know the same privilege.

For my staff - One by one, name by name, family by family. Each one is precious to me...and make such a difference in the lives of children. I prayed blessings on them and expressed my gratitude for the humbling opportunity to serve them.

For my board - Eight great guys with families and lives outside of the schools they serve. I prayed for each of their families and thanked God for the humbling experience of working along side them and learning so much from them.

For my home - small by any standard, but also cozy and easier to clean than if it were doubled in size! I thanked Him for comfortable surroundings, sentimental mementos, irreplaceable memories.

For my in-laws- A mother and father, sister and nieces, who are as dear to me as if we shared the same blood. So grateful for those precious relationships. I thanked Him for allowing me this incredible privilege and blessing.

For my church, our youth, our ladies so faithful to studying His Word - My brothers and sisters in Christ who have supported me through some of my darkest times and celebrated with me in times of joy. I cannot imagine who I would be without that body of believers. Who would have ever thought God could use this wretch in a shared ministry with my husband? Wow. I thanked Him for using His church to change my life and for allowing me to serve alongside so many that look like Him to me.

For friends - Too many to name here, but in particular, Melissa who is doing so much in service to children, Gina who has been with me through thick and thin for over 30 years, Diana - my listening and advising mentor, Casey - the one I desire to mentor in some small way, who I laugh with and grow with. These three dear ones probably know more of my junk than they really want to, and I thanked God that they love me anyway and I prayed for each of them in their unique situations.

For my beautiful girls - I thanked Him for choosing - of all the women of the world - to be Chelsea and McKenna's Mom. I thanked Him for guidance, for laughter, for tender moments, for love that is beyond me, for two distinct individuals with such unique attributes and characteristics and a bond that runs so deep.

For my husband - I thanked Him for writing a love story beyond this princess's dreams and for allowing Jimmy and I to be the exclamation point at the end of the story!!!...for giving me a spiritual leader for my girls and I, for a man who appreciates and loves me - and isn't afraid or ashamed to show it, for a guy that makes me laugh, and a love that continues to grow. Oh, and I thanked Him that Jimmy is really good with Christmas lights and lawn work - I know that made Him smile.

As you can imagine, by the time I went through that and many other things, like Siesta and blogworld friends, an infallible Word that sustains me, venti peppermint mochas, and learning from the likes of Beth Moore and Max Lucado, and on and on and on, I realized a couple of things. I was sorrier than before that I had been having such a bad attitude, but I was also ticked off that I had allowed Satan to steal my joy...and my strength.

So the Word for the day...Nehemiah 8:10 "Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

Sitting in an airport...

2008-11-21T16:32:00.003-06:00

I'm sitting in airport in San Antonio, TX. It is kind of cool because there is a long walkway/hallway that goes from security check in to the gates and there are rocking chairs along the walls. Nice respite from the yucky chairs at the gate.

I'm always fascinated when I fly. I love to people watch and in this high tech age in which we live it is always interesting to overhear other cell phone conversations. No I'm not eavesdropping...they just talk loud. So far today, I've overheard someone giving a directive to an office manager to drop the hammer on a receptionist who is really botching things up; someone making a business appointment with "Joe Don" Somethingorother (must be a Southern boy, don't ya think!?); a lady heading to Iraq - not military, but private contractor of some kind; a mom connecting with her child - oh, that was me - never mind that one; ANOTHER mom checking in with her babysitter; and the list goes on. Nothing earth shattering or even very funny or interesting for that matter, but I have watched literally hundreds of people either coming or going and I think, "Wow. Where are ALL these people going?" It's kind of like when I take off and am stuck in traffic or at a mall with a bajillion people and I think, "Don't you people ever WORK?" Then I realize I'm not either. Oops. Still strange though. Well, have to go board now. I have more conversations to overhear!

Keeping it Real

2008-11-12T22:04:00.005-06:00

I was recently hit square between the eyes with an accusation that hasn't come my way in a very long time...But it still makes me sick at my stomach, and hot - you know the "even my ears are hot" hot. The words weren't really not slung, but the concept was heavy in the air. "YOU ARE A FAKE." Oh, I had plenty to say, plenty to use to defend myself against the accusations of being unsupportive, unkind, unprofessional. But the defense would have been given somewhat in a sound proof booth because the accuser had long since stopped listening. And the outcome of the situation would have stayed the same. So why give it a second thought?

Why not just let it roll off my back? That is what my colleagues in similar positions would advise me to do I feel sure. Why not just consider the words in context of the situation and in relation to the history of this person? Well, because SHE really wasn't the issue. The issue with her was resolved.

The reason I couldn't just "blow it off"? It's because it is one of my greatest fears. Again, not really in the context of the situation in which it was accused, but rather as a general statement of life. Duplicity. Hypocrisy. Fake. Imposter. Being one thing one place and a different thing somewhere else. Dear God, please don't let it be so.

If there is one thing I crave desperately is consistency. I want to model for my precious daughters what it is to be a woman of God in every aspect of their lives. If I am not who I claim to be with them then I might as well not be at all...yes, at all. Motherhood is such an incredibly challenging role, isn't it? I think my sweet girls can live with me failing. They know I'm human. But what if I am a Godly woman in the outside world, but then I close my front door and become someone else. What we have is a potential foothold, a sin. Can you say 'trainwreck'?

So I am allowing some time for some reflection and correction if needed. I'm so grateful to serve a God who doesn't require us to have it all together to come to the foot of the Cross. I want to have a teachable heart and even in opposition be open to hear from the Holy Spirit.

One of the things the Lord has directed me to is one of my all-time favorite poems, IF by Rudyard Kipling. I hope it encourages you. Keeping it real-

2008-11-04T21:32:00.005-06:00

What a day! God has been so very good...not that He ever ISN'T - It's just that today I desperately needed His encouragement. Did you read that wrenching entry at about 4 o'clock this morning? I woke up at 1:30. So, if this entry makes NO sense...you will understand why! Anyway, not only was I awake, I was desperate. I have been listening/watching too much media. I guess I got caught up in all the campaign hype. And in reality, this is definitely serious business. But, seriously, I think I turned into Chicken Little in the middle of the night.

The previous entry was just me being raw before the Lord. But let me share with you how He answered my prayers for encouragement and strength.

All day, He spoke encouragement and peace into my spirit. Innumerable songs praised His Sovereignty. When I began to dwell on the thoughts that disturb me so about this election (no-not race or economics, but the things that clearly fly in the face of God's Word), I would pray and feel the peace of His immediate presence.
"Darlin', I'm still on My throne, you know." "
"Guess what? I'm not surprised, nor am I worried."
"You need to let Me be God. Okay, Darlin'?"
"This is just one event, darlin', on a Kingdom calendar you can't see...But it's okay. I see it. I even planned it."
"I know you are afraid. But I'm here with you...I promise."
"I am the Ancient of Days. ; ) I KNOW how everyone voted...and the promptings of their hearts that you don't know."
"Darlin', you are my child. Do you think I would let harm come to you? Let's do a little review, sweet girl." And we did.

(Did you notice how often He calls me darlin'? He is so tender. )

Do you get the point of that constant dialogue? He was working overtime with me today. And somehow in the midst of keeping the sun in the sky and the earth on its axis, He spent A LOT of time with me today. I know this is very me focused, but that's exactly what I needed today from Him. I hope you have those days, too. Aren't they sweet? When even though it's a busy day with all of life's distractions, He is RIGHT THERE every time you turn around. May you find peace today, my precious child of God. You are going to be okay. No matter what happens in this election. I know. I know you will be more than just okay...Shhh...don't tell, but I've read the last chapter. AND...I've spent some time with the Author. He told me how it all ends. It's good, trust me.

Prayer for our Nation

2008-11-04T03:42:00.003-06:00

Dearest Father,
I know it is no accident that I am up at 3 a.m. on election day. My heart is heavy, Father, and You know it is because I am listening to the cacophony of the media regarding this historic election day. How can this be? This "Nation under God"? How can we seem so ready to plunge down a path so contrary to Your Word, Your teachings, Your Love? God, I don't feel very eloquent or humorous or cute right now. Just desperate. When it all comes down, God, may You have the victory this day.

Father, I confess to You my own sin of selfishness in times of abundance and in times of scarcity. Help me, Father, to understand my duty to serve those less fortunate than I. Help me to fulfill that role rather than expecting my governement to do that. Change me, Father, again and again to become more like the precious Christ. Forgive me for not being bolder in my proclamation that we must cling to You and You alone. I am but one small voice crying out for forgiveness for this nation, God, but I know You hear all the others who join with me in saying that all life is a gift from You and only You. Forgive us for denying that truth with our treatment of the unborn.

I know others, even those who are my brothers and sisters in Christ do not agree with me. May You have mercy on them and reveal Your truth to them. I remember, Father, being able to defend such an unrighteous act. Thank You for showing me the Truth. Please continue to fill me with Your truth and humility in understanding that we aren't all on the same timetable of growth. And, Father, allow me eyes to see every situation, every issue through Your eyes, not my own. For even in these things that I believe You have impressed upon my heart, God, if I am wrong, show me.

Lord God, I pray for the voters of this nation who are seeking hope in promises of men rather than the truth of Your Word. I pray Your blessings on this land and on her leaders...whomever they may be at the end of this day, not because we are deserving, but because we need You so incredibly. May Your Spirit fall afresh today. God, You are mighty to save. Come, have Your way this day so that Your victory can be proclaimed and all glory given to You.

Thank You , Father, for Your presence, for meeting me here, in my time of need. I needed an infusion of courage and hope. Thank You for hearing my cry and renewing my hope and strength once more. I will wait upon You , my Sovereign King. Thank You, thank You. I love You.
In the Most Precious Name of my Jesus,
Amen

Therapy...sort of

2008-10-20T22:04:00.003-05:00

I just got home a little bit ago from therapy...not anything too serious like physical or psycho, but the REEAAALLLLYY good kind...you know, girl therapy. I just had my hair done.

Now I know that any sweet ones who have virgin hair won't get this, but it really is the best. So much cheaper than those dr. types- not that you shouldn't seek them out if you need them - it's just that I love to have some "laugh therapy".

Now Diana, aka. miracle worker, takes such good care of my locks, but she also is very good for my soul. We have a blast in Jesus together. And she is very kind, too. I know she has to wonder why she has to keep creating that magical concoction when she knows I am actually blond to the brain stem so all those roots should just grow out blond anyway. But, ya know, she has never once said it out loud to me. And somehow, she always manages to tell me a story that makes me laugh so hard I always want to double check and make sure she's not actually trying to CUT my hair at that point. It really is a disaster in the making, but I can't help it...she makes me laugh. I love that about her. Oh, we have both seen our fair share of life junk, but we are also both keenly aware of His incredible gifts...Like girl therapy. I hope, sweet sisters, you have someone to laugh with...and cry with when you need to...girl therapy is a necessity of life, don't you think?

Thank you , Beth Moore and Living Proof

2008-10-20T16:51:00.002-05:00

This is from a post on the Lifeway site celebrating 10 years of Living Proof Live events with Beth Moore. The offer was to leave a comment of thanks. Well, of course, a simple thank you would never do for me!...

This box they have me typing in seems awfully small for the overflow of feelings I have. When I was 32 years old, shortly after I had my second daughter, my oldest daughter, Chelsea, had just given her heart to Christ. I had become absolutely dumb-struck by the incredible responsibility and privelege I had for my daughters' discipling. I was completely unprepared. I was saved at an early age but never really discipled and to say I made some lousy choices wouldn't even begin to describe my wreck of a life...But God. He encircled me with a church that reached out to the girls and I and loved us like crazy. And my first big step was doing Experiencing God. Huge change for me. So what does all that have to do with the question posed here...

Then came my first Beth Moore study. I learned so much. And your two girls were just older versions of my own. I was inpired and encouraged. Thank you.

I remember completing two Beth Moore studies before going to my first LPL event. And unlike one of my Siestas who had it right from the beginning, I had to guard myself from worshipping the messenger instead of the only real Message! Yes, I became an official Beth Moore groupie in Moore, Ok (pretty appropriate, huh?). One of the first Christian music CD's I bought was the LPL CD from Travis - oh my, it might have even been on cassette back in the day! What a praise team!! No words will ever do them justice. Thank you. I've completed all but I think one of Beth's studies, and after either leading (who would have ever dreamed - oh, yeah...Him.) or attending them, I had to buy the trade book, too. I didn't want the truth she taught me to slip away. Thank you.

And, Beth, I remember somehow you were booked to speak in...of all places...Seymour, TX, which is a little over an hour's drive from my house. Which, of course, all Texans understand is "just up the road." I think that was before you really hit it "big"... ;)I attended that event and cried from the start to the finish and healed more than you can imagine. You see, just a week or so before, my husband of 16 years had told me he was finished. I needed you and even more I needed Him...and you lead me to Him. That was in 2000. Thank you.

And this summer I got to be a part of the Siesta Fiesta. What fun and what joy!! How far we have come!!! Thank you.

Beth, I remember so vividly you talking about the two people who inspired you to be hungry and love God's Word and to love Jesus with abandon. Well, my dear sweet sister, YOU have been that mentor for me. Even if from afar, even if from words on a page, even if from a message from a video. No other single teacher has had a greater impact on me than you. And I pray that the influence I now pass on is one that is absolutely glorifying to Jesus alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will continue to pray for you, your precious family, and your team.

Get Thee Behind Me

2008-10-06T21:55:00.002-05:00

Get thee behind me, you deceiver of old.
You have no authority, no power, no control.
Go back from whence you came.
For Jesus lives in THIS place.

O you have trapped and even ensnared me before.
But Jesus reigns supreme here now and forevermore.
You have nothing to show for your decietful ways-
For all that you set to destroy me with
Are now under His control.
And He is using those despicable things
To bring Hope, Faith and Love
To those in such desperate need.
Because now they can believe,
"If He can use one such as she, surely He can me!”

Crawl on your belly and leave me at once.
For haven’t you noticed that my stumblings
Are fewer and further between?
But we both know it is not me. Oh, no.
My Strength and my Confidence are not my own, of course you see-
But of the One you believe in and fear
And of the One I adore.

You with your beauty and pride are no match for Him.
You lose. Yes, you lose. Your crushing will come.
For His love, His mercy, His grace
Are beyond your ability to battle.
Perhaps you enjoy small victories of sin in this fallen world.
But make no mistake, you slithering snake, your Foe is the victor.

Truth is His name; Love He proclaims
And freedom for the captured soul that you have failed to destroy.
Get thee behind me, you deceiver of old.
For there is room for only One – the Lover of my soul.

Fleeting moments

2008-09-27T19:16:00.004-05:00

Do you ever feel completely overwhelmed by God's goodness? I mean like "fall on your face" overwhelmed. To be honest, while it happens for me fairly often, it probably doesn't happen nearly often enough. Not because His goodness isn't always overwhelming, but because I don't seem to notice as often as I should. Anybody else get that?

Let's take today for example. I was sitting at dinner with my family and observing the interaction of my two sweet daughters. And then BAMMMMM!!! - I suddenly was so overwhelmed by the fact that they have been entrusted to me or more specifically to each other. That God would somehow deem me worthy of this kind of joy. Sweet moments of joy that are fleeting at best because they are so tied to that precise moment.

You know the kind. That momentary rush of color at sunset that seems to vanish with the ray of sunlight that it rode into your vision on. That momentary "warm all over" feeling when you watch your man across the room as he laughs his unmistakable laugh and you realize God meant him for you - and he is. That momentary silence before dawn when the nestling under the covers brings a comfort of sleep unmatched by the other five hours you've had.

Sweet joy. One nineteen, finding her wings, but still needing her mom. The other eleven, innocence embodied, also still needing her mom. But the bond between them is not me. No, it is a soul connection designed by God for His glory. I'm just so humbled that He has allowed me to be the witness to it. The observer and the nuturer of it. But the relationship they have will carry them far beyond my watch; prayerfully far beyond my life.

But for that fleeting moment, I glimpsed a bit of heaven. Two smiles in a restaurant full of people that spoke volumes and was meant only for the other. Sweet relationship that will sustain, support, and even remind or reprimand at times. But oh, for the privilege of watching it bloom and blossom. And then the moment was gone. The conversation moved on. Others, me included, entered the moment and moved it past their concentration on each other.

But that moment, that fleeting moment I was overwhelmed by His goodness. Isn't He good?

Awed by His Presence

2008-09-03T22:17:00.004-05:00

As the wife of a youth minister, you pray for young people to really "get it." Well, it's happening! Praise God!

I can't even seem to express what is happening. We don't have a huge church so the numbers might seem almost laughable to those in larger cities. We live in a very small town, but serve one of the larger churches. By larger, we are talking real excitement to see 300 in worship on a Sunday!
As for our kids, to say we have been in a drought would be an understatement. We have been starving for some youth to step up and take some leadership, and we have been praying for our young men in particular. Two years ago, we graduated a large group but the strength of the group was primarily (not completely) with the girls. All of last year, we kept waiting for something and feeling at times like maybe it was time for us to move on...maybe He is finished using us here.

Last spring, we battled Satan like never before over our Disciple Now weekend...to the point I was saying we need to just cancel the whole thing. Kids were so busy with other things, I just didn't seeing the time having much impact. I'm so glad He hasn't put me in charge. He so knows I can be an idiot!

It was incredibly attended and God began to really stir the waters. As a result of that weekend a group of high school boys began an accountability group - the Skyhawks. Their first meeting was in my teeny living room (my whole house is about 1200 sq ft!!). There were 17 of them. I think they were stacked 2 high! I stood in my kitchen listening to these guys not just read scripture but really DISCUSS it. What it meant. Why He used those particular words. What does it mean in practical terms? I was so stunned and blown away. I cried and praised Him for the work He was doing.

Then we attended a Student Life Camp and God continued to teach, stretch, and grow our kids. Worship began to take on a new feel even in the summer.

So tonight was the first "back in the groove" Wednesday after the hectic summer. We always sing a few songs and then Jimmy brings the message, but tonight some of the Skyhawks wanted to share. We literally were packed from wall to wall. I saw kids worhsip in Spirit and in Truth - which meant different things for different ones - Yep, even in a Baptist church! ;) Two young men shared their favorite verses and their applications. Two other young men talked about worship and why we worship...He is sooooo worthy! and finally, one young man actually brought a message from Joshua 1:1-9 (some of my favorite scriptures!) and helped the kids see how to appy those to their mission field - their school.

I was completely blown away. Whoever reads this...Be encouraged!!! God is moving among the young!! The next generation will do incredible things in the name of Jesus! We had 6th -12th graders tonight who are being used by our Mighty God! I sat at the back of the room and couldn't stop crying.

One of those young men who shared, we have had in our group since he was 11 years old in the 6th grade...kept to himself, never said anything, actually came because his parents made him, I think. I couldn't have been more proud ( in a Godly sense!) of him. He spoke confidently and passionately about why Jesus is worth our worship and praise and that praising openly and honestly is okay. Whoa. That is an incredible turn-around. Who is THAT kid? Then it hit me.

I sat and pondered what I was seeing and thought, "God, you didn't just do this in the past 6 months." And I thought of the conversation I had with my own daughter to encourage and support her through a class with a particularly aggressive evolution-supporting professor. We truly are wonderfully and fearfully made. Each of those young men who shared and each young person that was there had an appointment on their divine calendar with their God on this night and in this way. And that appointment was set before they ever drew a breath. So was mine. He has spent their whole life preparing them, and me, for that moment. Common truth, I know, but I love it when "old" truths keep being delivered with such power and with new applications! I'm always stunned by it.

Hallelujah!!! He knew this was coming and in our times of discouragement, how often have I held onto the words God spoke to Joshua? (see previous post...David and I both think Joshua was pretty awesome!) I almost let Satan have back some ground that we had gained. But not only am I kicking him off my property, but I'm not giving him an inch back of the ground we have claimed and conquered!

I'm not sure where He will have us head next, but I can't wait for the ride! Please, Father, show us YOUR glory!!! Be praised and be glorified! Amen.

2008-08-28T20:30:00.004-05:00

This is my first attempt at this. I have no idea who, if anyone, will ever read this, so I am going to write this as much as possible in a way I would approach my friends or ladies in one of our Bible study groups. Here goes!

The Siesta Fiesta weekend...so anticipated...so stressful just to get ready to be gone the weekend before school started...so didn't have the money to go...so needed to be at church with my Sunday School class...so needed to be at home helping my baby girl get ready for junior high...so needed to be with my man workin' with the youth on Sunday night. So hard to be gone that weekend...SO WORTH IT!!!

I was able to attend a Beth Moore Living Proof Live event in San Antonio this past weekend. As you can see above, the enemy really didn't want me to go. And if he couldn't keep me from going, he wanted to steal the Word God had for me. But, praise the Lord, he failed miserably! Once again my Jesus prevailed!

So many wonderful things came from this weekend. I was able to travel with four of the most precious women. My older sister and my niece have both done a couple of Beth's Bible studies in the past. My cousin had heard of Beth Moore, but not done any of her studies, and my very special friend who is my fellow road warrior in Bible study...she organizes and plans them, I teach/facilitate. We make a great team if I do say so myself! ;) We've been called Beth Moore groupies, but just so you know, we HAVE done a few other studies NOT written by Beth.

Back to the weekend...Casey, my friend, and I are part of a blog community known as Siesta's, who all LOVE Beth, her work, and her family. As part of that community, we were able to be a part of some special events, like some a reserved seating section and a question and answer session with Beth and her daughters...more on that later.

The weekend was filled with lots of laughter and fun, but the most amazing thing about the time was the time spent with the Father. There were approximately 9,995 women and 5 poor guys in the Alamodome, but the place was completely filled with the Holy Spirit. I'm still wowed by it. I always want to be wowed by Him. Don't you?

Here is a thought that I briefly posted on the Siesta Fiesta blog about the weekend. I still want more time to reflect and roll it over in my heart and mind, so I will try to post more at a later time, but I want to talk about one thing in particular.

In her teaching, Beth referenced the fact that Joshua was David's hero. I love that. I thought about how Beth seems to be a hero so many of us have (besides our Jesus, of course! - And I think another Siesta was so right to say that we need to be careful not to worship our teacher-as precious as she is-but to allow her to point us to THE Teacher!) Sorry. Back to the David thought.

I just have really been mulling that over. Joshua being a hero to David. Beth being a hero to me & to so many of us. So, who am I a hero to? Who are you a hero to? Overwhelming, humbling, and inspiring thought, huh? You may think, "Not me. I'm not anyone's hero." Are you absolutely for sure?

I teach ladies Bible studies and high school girls Sunday School and lead a creative movement praise and worship team - have done those things for years, so in all likelihood, I am some one's hero. In fact I've had a unique opportunity on a couple of occasions to have one of my girls write about me in their "required for English" hero essay. Usually it is their sweet mothers who have shared the essays with me. Let me say that you pretty much have had to mop me off the floor when I read them. On other occasions I've had some sweet lady share her admiration. Whoa! Hold the phone. Are you talking about me?

So what about you? What roles do you play? Maybe you have some of the same roles as I do, maybe not. Maybe you teach in a public school...maybe you coach one of your kids' ball teams...or help with Scouts...or maybe you are "just" (I hate that connotation) a Mom. Uh-oh. Guess what? I'm fairly certain YOU are some one's hero! Pretty scary, huh? And if you are like me I really don't want to be on a pedestal. Only One deserves such a lofty place.

I know the blackness of my heart, the harsh words spoken, the thoughts too awful to even give words to. Hero? ME? Surely you have mistaken me for someone else...someone who has it all together, someone who is doing great things for the Lord, someone, well, admirable. But I also know that most of those who may call me hero, know I'm not perfect...and all of them who have shared such sentiment with me always talk about Him...Him in me. So somehow, even with my huge human failures, perhaps I'm pointing them to Him. Please, God, let it be said of me. What about you? Are you, ever-so-humbly and ever-so-shaky at times, pointing those looking up to you to One much loftier? Asking them to look past you to see Him. I bet you are. I pray you are.

And when the thought seems too much - picture yours truly face down on the floor!- remember that Joshua is the one who had to be told REPEATEDLY - "Be strong and courageous." So David, the greatest King of Israel, a man after God's own heart, looked up to that guy? What kind of hero has fear?

Hmmm. Joshua, didn't he do some pretty amazing things? Didn't he become a mighty fighting warrior? Didn't he conquer enemy after enemy? Wasn't he in a tremendous battle when he asked the Lord for help in a pretty unusual way...like the sun standing still!?! Hmmm...and he started that whole being used by God thing with some fear, huh? "Be strong and courageous...Be very strong and courageous." Not bad advice for us hero types.